Friday, September 4, 2009

Will I stand Or fall?

Am i deserving of God?

Do I have reason to be on the face of this earth?

Am i truly worthy?

What is it that makes Him so mindful of me?

Why does he give me new mercies on a daily basis?

Here I am, like broken pieces of glass scattered everywhere, trying to be put together in any ways possible. Why does God love me so much? Why does he wake me up every morning? why doesn't he take my life away at night? I am on this journey of discovering myself, it really is not easy but I am making progress, I have learnt new things about myself lately. So I had a random thought today:

If a knife was held to my mothers throat and I was told if i say Jesus is truly Lord she will lose her life, what will i say? Will i still stand for what I believe in or will I deny Him? It is my daily desire to live my life for Him but when push comes to shouve (SP?), will I still stand.....Hmmmm. Why is wrong slowly turning into good? What happened to the days when we were ashamed to say 'Sex'? Now you are scared to say you are a 'Virgin'. So many thoughts cloud my mind. I walk into church and see alot of people standing like pole wires, they CANNOT move their bodies in church but if you go to a club, they are dripping with sweat at the dacefloor. Why has God lost His place? No one is perfect but how many people make the effort to do the right things?

He gave us life, He sacrificed His own life for us, not because he wanted to or it was easy. He was scarred, beaten, insulted, mocked, spat on, stepped on, pierced with a sword all in the name of love and here we are, total emptiness.

I am not here to preach as it is not my place neither am I the brightest star in the sky but it is just a chain of random thoughts. How far do we take christianity? I practice a relationship with God or atleast I try, not a religion. Do I really love God? or do i just say it? Do i know whom I serve or I'm just a sunday christian? If the trumpet should sound right now, where will I go? will i be welcomed into His arms or will he look down in shame and say "I never knew you?" I may sit and chat smack about people, but is my own life on track?! what makes me better than anyone else? A couple of days ago my facebook status was "When life gets you down, get on your knees and pray" or something along those lines, some dude had the audacity to comment 'God does not have insurance...LOL'

LOL ke?

I did not know what to even reply sef. The words just failed me. What is this world turning to? God is all of a sudden a big joke. If this world was like back in the days when if you blasphemed or the likes the ground will open up and swallow you, alot of people will be gone from this earth. I maintain a pretty balanced life, I do not club (personal choice) because I see no reason why I should but I dance alot and i think my social life is pretty normal. It does not make me any better than anyone. People sit down and tear people down with words when you yourself know in your heart of hearts what you do behind closed doors. Does God still have His place in our lives? Is he number one or a bit below that?! If my father was to see the kind of life I live now, would he smile at me? What of mummy? If she should check my facebook inbox or my phone what would her reaction be? It is so hard to do good these days because the temptation is so high but I make a concious effort to be the best I can be.

Simple questions I ask myself like: What is my motive behind wearing this dress? whose attention am I trying to get? Why am I going into this relationship? are my values intact or I need more time so i make it work?Is he deserving of me? he wants me to walk with him to that corner, and I am going along with him, Why? although temptation gets the better part of me on a regular. Life is tough i must confess. I try so hard to stay principled so I don't fall off track but after a long battle with temptation, i let it win. Where will you be when forever finds you?

:::I think I am everything, but yet I am nothing:::

Random fact!
~The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.


  1. Where will I be when forever finds me?
    *scratches head...*

    I have to think abt that...

  2. LOL it is an onward thought! it always is on my mind!

  3. This got me thinking....real hard!

  4. hmmm deep stuff! pple take God 4 granted too much nwadays including myself :( im goin to change. omg! crocodile dung!ewwwwwwwww!!

  5. No be only Romans that were freaky back then i can see.

    None of us are deserving but his grace sees us through. Biko let's not talk about forever okay.. it scares me o!

  6. gsh... weneva i read sturvs lyk disi get too many tots flying into my brain.....hmmmm... i try to beta my r/ship wit God bt i dont tink is my best...God help us ol...
    egyptians r

  7. Ms. Dufa: Think real hard oh!

    Mz. Eniola: Tell me about it, even myself i take God for granted.

    Nice Anon: We really do not deserve him at all. LoL we gotta talk about forever oh! its cheaper.

    Taio: Try to be better oh, do what you can. He really needs to help us all. Egyptians are freakyyyyyyyyyyyy! LOL

  8. MS dufa already expressed my tots..This is really tot provokin and somethin to ponder on and really hard to..what if i were in that shoes you painted..will i let up or let in?..cant even tell what my best instincts will dictate to me at such a dire moment..Really prickin and mind bogglin words..I need to search my heart a lil more..

  9. cool trybes! think about it! it kind of puts us on track a little.

  10. you just had to do this, huh? I think about it everyday and i think it helps me be a better person...

    thanks and may God help us all get there...

  11. David: I'm sorry i just had to. :( you are welcome though! :)

    Buttercup: Thinkk oh. Thanx for stopping by!

  12. Hmmm,this is really deep...this are the kinda things i think about like once a year...on my birthday when i just wake up or when i am about to sleep and i am thinking about my life as i know it.....nice one

  13. yeah,sometimes i listen to jokes about Jesus and wonder why people do that.i really dont know why.

  14. Qmoney: On your birthday ke? hahahhhaha you should do it more often oh! Thanx though!

    Leggy: People always do that! nothing do them!

  15. Very deep thoughts to ponder but necessary for a rich and full life. Thanks for sharing.

    Dung for contraceptive? Yuck! LOL

  16. My first time here...loves this post something to really think about, I'll have to post the link on my blog.


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