Here I am, like broken pieces of glass scattered everywhere, trying to be put together in any ways possible. Why does God love me so much? Why does he wake me up every morning? why doesn't he take my life away at night? I am on this journey of discovering myself, it really is not easy but I am making progress, I have learnt new things about myself lately. So I had a random thought today:
If a knife was held to my mothers throat and I was told if i say Jesus is truly Lord she will lose her life, what will i say? Will i still stand for what I believe in or will I deny Him? It is my daily desire to live my life for Him but when push comes to shouve (SP?), will I still stand.....Hmmmm. Why is wrong slowly turning into good? What happened to the days when we were ashamed to say 'Sex'? Now you are scared to say you are a 'Virgin'. So many thoughts cloud my mind. I walk into church and see alot of people standing like pole wires, they CANNOT move their bodies in church but if you go to a club, they are dripping with sweat at the dacefloor. Why has God lost His place? No one is perfect but how many people make the effort to do the right things?
He gave us life, He sacrificed His own life for us, not because he wanted to or it was easy. He was scarred, beaten, insulted, mocked, spat on, stepped on, pierced with a sword all in the name of love and here we are, total emptiness.
I am not here to preach as it is not my place neither am I the brightest star in the sky but it is just a chain of random thoughts. How far do we take christianity? I practice a relationship with God or atleast I try, not a religion. Do I really love God? or do i just say it? Do i know whom I serve or I'm just a sunday christian? If the trumpet should sound right now, where will I go? will i be welcomed into His arms or will he look down in shame and say "I never knew you?" I may sit and chat smack about people, but is my own life on track?! what makes me better than anyone else? A couple of days ago my facebook status was "When life gets you down, get on your knees and pray" or something along those lines, some dude had the audacity to comment 'God does not have insurance...LOL'
I did not know what to even reply sef. The words just failed me. What is this world turning to? God is all of a sudden a big joke. If this world was like back in the days when if you blasphemed or the likes the ground will open up and swallow you, alot of people will be gone from this earth. I maintain a pretty balanced life, I do not club (personal choice) because I see no reason why I should but I dance alot and i think my social life is pretty normal. It does not make me any better than anyone. People sit down and tear people down with words when you yourself know in your heart of hearts what you do behind closed doors. Does God still have His place in our lives? Is he number one or a bit below that?! If my father was to see the kind of life I live now, would he smile at me? What of mummy? If she should check my facebook inbox or my phone what would her reaction be? It is so hard to do good these days because the temptation is so high but I make a concious effort to be the best I can be.
Simple questions I ask myself like: What is my motive behind wearing this dress? whose attention am I trying to get? Why am I going into this relationship? are my values intact or I need more time so i make it work?Is he deserving of me? he wants me to walk with him to that corner, and I am going along with him, Why? although temptation gets the better part of me on a regular. Life is tough i must confess. I try so hard to stay principled so I don't fall off track but after a long battle with temptation, i let it win. Where will you be when forever finds you?
:::I think I am everything, but yet I am nothing:::
Random fact! ~The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.