This quote is what I am trusting right now to explain itself to me with time.
Forgive me for not being on here in a minute! I really do not know what is keeping me away but all i know is life is trying to overtake me. Alot has been going on lately with me but let me report myself right here where no one can really box me or slap me or anything. I really do not understand myself anymore but here goes:
So my last post which was titled Dark Chocolate that i deleted due to some reasons was about this dude that has got my head and my heart racing 120mph no jokes. First of all, what attracted me to him was how laid back he is. Yes I have a thing with loud people because they are very slow to think but extra-quick to speak. So dark chocolate had this calm spirit about him that just made me happy whenever I saw him. We have class together on tuesdays and thursdays and he sits right behind me. *I'm really having a hard time writing this I wonder why so please bear with me*. This guy is one of those people I have never said a word to but I have already fallen for them and this RARELY happens to me so you can imagine my confusion. I began going to the gym every night at 8.30pm or later just because I knew he would be there but I could not say a simple 'HI!.' Whenever I saw him,my heart just froze and it is so unlike me to be shy or anything like that although I am generally reserved and slow to speak in nature. I could not wait for tuesdays or thursdays to come just so I could go to class and see him....
It is so weird because I really like this dude like genuinely to the point were it is getting stupid because I can't say anything to him and I do not know if he wants to say anything to me. He looks at me on the regular but he does not smile or anything, like WTH am i missing something? People have been telling me to go and talk to him and all but they fail to understand it is so hard for me seeing as i literally freeze when he is around me. Yesterday we had an inauguration ceremony of our new president at school so everyone was required to look their best and all. I really do not know how but my eyes found this dude in a multitude of thousands of people, he looked so sharp and clean in his suit. His body is just in its perfect state to me like it actually can't get better so it made the suit look wonderful. Tall, dark and handsome is the perfect way to describe.lol Yes i would not go into details of him so no one will start imagining what I'm wishing for. .....Jokes!
So after the inauguration when the crowd was leaving, there is no way possible that i can excuse why he was directly behind me at a point because where he sat was far from where i sat so the proximity was just ....I don't know but I am not complaining. PS: I caught him staring at me twice during the occasion. He probably knows I have some spot somewhere for him but I really do not care at this point. I have tried to no avail (If that is english) to talk to him but it does not happen because my mouth just will not move when I see him so i have given up on him. Today was so annoying and I am currently in a mood because I planned I did not want to see him today because I feel like I am putting myself infront of him too much or making me appear cheap and I DO NOT MESS WITH MY REPUTATION AT ALL!!!! so I walked to the cafeteria and there he was, the first person I caught sight of as usual. He was sitting at a table alone so i looked for my friend and sat with her after getting a slice of pizza I ended up not eating because my appetite varnished when i saw him....IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? probably....
So we stayed there all afternoon till it was time for us to leave, he gave us the cue to leve when he stood up and i was like I am goin to talk to him today and get this over with, i got there and he dropped his plate and all but when he was right beside me walking out of the cafeteria, yes!!! My mouth just closed. :( I felt extra dumb because I was looking right at him but he did not look at me so my confidence to speak just left. Later this evening we have Chic-fil-a in school so I went there with the same friend I was with just to chill and probably get something to eat when I captured him right there, I felt like a STALKER but I did not know he was in there because I planned not to see him today so I do not give him wrong signals and he will think I am freaky or something. Before i knew it, he got up and left with some girl that was semi-touching him. I HAVE NEVER FELT SO DUMB Before!
So i have resorted to letting him go and supressing my feelings because I can only wish for so much plus this feels so one-sided and I have never been the one to chase a guy for any reason so I cannot start because that is not me and i am VERY aware of my worth. So it is kind of a process to let him out of mind but there is a starting point somewhere which I have begun. I really need to work out but I am not going to the gym at all tonight even though I know dar chocolate is there.
Lord help me! If I had one wish, he would be mine.
Random fact: ~.Studies show that the risk of a “secret love” being revealed heightens romantic feelings for the partners, thanks to increased levels of phenylethylamine.