It is 6.38am, why do I lie wide awake? So many thoughts cloud my mind. I should be sleeping now so i can get up and go to church but no, these eyes won't listen to me. Anyhooz, so I am loving how Leggy has gone private oh, atleast, all the sweet sweet jist will flow properly. :) Yes i like jist, you too you know you do. My heart goes out to chari and buttercup oh! i feel their pain, we were suppose to be reading about how their summer was going but 'due to circumstances bigger than them' they could not meet up! Don't worry guys, God pass that circumstance. PS: You guys must have blogsville V.I.P area on your wedding oh, IF NOT!!......* Holding my ear *. I'm just beefing you guys don't mind me.
So tell me why, this semester I was blessed with this roomate that is many years older than me, african american, veryyyy blessed in all areas of her body, spare tyres everywhere to even borrow people sef if need be. I was just checking my school mail to see if i had roomate requests (we always get requests from supposed roomies) when i saw that this young lady had been assigned to my room, fear catch me oh!!! because I am a size 0-1 and this woman in question is abou a size 18 or so, where will i begin?? People said she likes walking around naked and I do not like to see naked women at all! She did not like the church I attend, see wahala oh! she does not even like africans, Me i do not know how to fight oh, i do not even know how to look for trouble, when fight is coming and is bending towards physical, i will just 'pity' you and go...(hehehe in my mind). So I left that room quietly.
So a week later, I got the opportunity to switch rooms and there was only one room open so I grabbed the opportunity oh! First of all, I opened the door.....cheiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! asif tornado plus hurricane passed through, shoes on the table, cocoa butter on the floor, the cover was under some nasty looking pant like that, the floor was covered in total DIRT! omo...what did i do wrong this summer now that i am paying for this? Trust me, my camera is my best friend, i took pictures of the room mehn. Ask me why i did that, i don't know oh! After a while sha, when it was cleaned and in order, I moved my stuff into the room, I had to bleach basically everything in the room mehn I don't know how some girls do. This one sef walks in class building like one freshhhhhhhhhhh, clean madam. So 1st night, we all slept peacefully and all. Next morning, I got up fast, made my bed and ran so my roomate does not enter the shower before me, LOL the girl no baff oh, she just sprayed herself and washed abi wiped her face with a towel and all that. She ironed her clothes and went to class. I was shockedddddd outta my skull.
Since I have been in this room, her clothes smell like mould is growing on them mehn. Asin it is horrible, she does not fold her clothes, or arrange anything, she spilled some sort of juice in the fridge for days and has not cleaned it but she still puts things in the fridge oh my people. What will i do? I really hate to see dirt or smell anything unpleasant and this madam is making an effort to make my semester a memorable one. (I went out of my way to buy all sorts of air-freshener oh, plug-in, the spray one, the incense kind of thing, one that dissolves and all that). I spoke to her to please try and keep things we have to share together like the fridge and bathroom a bit tidy but this lady no wan gree oh! I got back from class and saw a nasty looking face towel in the sink, her ironing board and some bag inside the small bathroom. Hmmmmm! i am tired oh! I wrote her a note again but to no effect.
I am always disinfecting something or cleaning or wiping or picking something up from a grown woman like my mother paid thousands of dollars and said i should come come and do 'Ekaete' work. What do I do now? And i cannot move because there are no rooms anymore. I don tire to dey clean oh, cinderella sef got tired and reclined to her little space/room in her wicked stepmum's house. People have been making fun of me that no matter how I try to divide the room (my side and her side) the cockroaches will still walk into any side they desire, See my life abeg! :(*
Let me go to church and pray for a miracle oh! All of you should stand up and go sef, better still go to Blessing's outlet for e-service. (someone should please teach me how to insert links into this thing).
PS: Guys, before you start following woman, make the effort to see what her room looks like oh, ladies too better take note. :) (this is a learning experience for me oh as madam get bobo dat she will be using to oppress me in the middle of the night) God pass her!
Random fact: ~Turtles can breathe through their butts! :)
Have a wonderful week peoplezzzzz!
PS: A couple pictures on how my room looked before its 'resurrection'.
Yuppp!!! and a whole lot more! HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!! before my skin will begin to lose its Ebony uniqueness. :(
This is one of such thoughts that never come to my mind, I choose not to think of it, it does not even bother me anymore because it is the past. I hear stories that relate to what you dealt with in life but for the peace of God, I do not cringe or even nurse the emotions that come with it. I woke up today feeling all blue, knowing that if you were here, life would have been so much better. Why is it today that I am letting this get me? I fear that I am not all I need to be because I just have a mother who juggles between the two occupations of dad and mum.Why didn't you stay? God gave us authority over snakes and scorpions, and to overcome all the powers of the enemy, you taught me all this but you did not demonstrate it.
Six years ago, Long....painful....stressful....emotional....discouraging six years ago, four days after my birthday, I did not get a birthday call because you were recieveing chemo by that time but instead I got a call to say it was all over, earth couldn't just handle you anymore, you opressed everyone didn't you? you lost your battle with brain cancer. How could you? You forgot how to walk, it killed me inside to see my own father learning to walk again like a toddler but I had to maintain composure and be strong for you. You forgot how to talk, I could not longer have conversations to full lenght with you without you saying something that had no meaning whatsoever. I had to walk behind you when you wanted to go upstairs just to ensure you did not fall back as you were not balanced in your brain activity. You did not know how to feed yourself, your brain could not cordinate your hand to hold a fork up to your mouth, but you insisted on feeding yourself because you were a fighter. There were days when you would look at me but your eyes were crossed, tears will flood my eyes but i would hold back.You were absent on my primary school graduation, Your presence was not there at my High school graduation, now at University, it would be mum and everyone else but who will I jump on and scream 'DADDY, I MADE IT!' to?......sigh**, Who would walk me down the aisle and give my hand to him who deserves your treasure? I remeber when I would hold your hands while I lay on your bed with you, It made me peaceful. The doctors said you would not live more than 3 months after being diagnosed with cancer, shame on them, You made it to three years because you're a 'G' like that. I love you SO much, i know mummy misses you more but she is strong, you taught all of us lessons that will never go away.
We love you and miss you. I am trying to be who you would want me to be. It's really a hard journey but I am strong, You taught me not to give up and so fight I must!. You are in my heart, today, tomorrow and forever, No one will ever play 'daddy' more than you did. My heart goes out to you. Peace!
Random fact: ~The reason why honey is so easy to digest is because it has already been digested by a bee.
10.50am, the weather was full of confusions, to rain or not to rain? That was the question it tossed to and fro. The ground was somewhat muddy and wet from the little droplets of rain that had dropped earlier on. This was one of those mornings where it took God himself, in collaboration with my devotion to going to class to actually get me up from the bed. I did the necessary morning rituals such as taking a shower, brushing my teeth, making the bed amongst dressing up and saying a little prayer to Him who woke me amongst other things before I finally set off to class. I bought a pair of Steve Madden heels yesterday and was so happy to put them on this morning, it motivated me to walk to class without thinking of the journey. Lwkm!
Long story short, I had a Social Psychology class. These people kept on going on and on about alot of different issues, you know how it is with all these Psych majors that want to feel as if they are the deepest people on earth, (I am a Psych major aswell but I am laid-back) plus I had not had breakfast yet so I particularly was not in the mood for all their little bickering debates and what not. From nowhere, some guy I would predict to be in his middle 20s just got up to say "You can have integrity without morals!" ........say what???? It took me a hot minute to understand how that is possible. I am still in a bit of confusion because from what I have always known, your integrity will be a result of your morals...abi? I could not even shout sef, the whole class began to shout and air their views, some agreed and some disagreed. Hmmmmm, confu attack o!
I need to know what you all think please, because to me it sounds like your mother did not give birth to you, you just dropped down from heaven, that is not possible now. We are learning everyday so please pardon my 'ignorance' if at all it really is. My brain is still having a summer overload, it has not yet swung back to school mode.
P.S: I am trying so hard to gain weight but it's not happening. All my life, I have never worn an american size 3....Yup! i said 3. I range from a 0-2. It is becoming of great concern to me because when people see me, they all have questions to ask like are you alright? like do i have some sort of illness. Lately, I was on my summer high, on my way back to where I belong, at the airport, the security people or agents were asking me if I am legal to travel alone, if i am up to 18 yet. I FELT INSULTEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!! c'mon now, atleast my face is not that young jo. I've tried eating like a pig but I can't tell where the food goes.
Ehen so back to the question.....IS IT POSSIBLE TO POSSESS INTEGRITY WITHOUT MORALS? If yes, please supply reasons so I understand.
I still have not had breakfast, I need to go. Leave your thoughts behind and have a goal-achieving week.
There is time for everything according to the Bible and even the common world we live in. What determines when that time is right? How do we know when her bells are ringing? She feels she is ready for this, little does she know she does not have even one of the necessary requirements for this long and tedious journey. She is full of questions that she wants to ask the world, but to whom will these questions be directed to? Gravity could not stop her from embarking on this journey but nature and life had a strong hold on her. Into this mess she found herself and a way out of it she sought daily.
BOUNDARIES.....Oh how she forgot your place, she no longer respected you and she forgot you had the power to shake and move things, kind of a wake up call back to reality. You told her what to do and how far to swing, you also drew the line that disobedience wiped away. I can sense and feel the big frown on your face, I apologise. She chose to follow the hard way when you assured her as long as she stayed within the circle you mapped out for her, she will be fine and no force on earth will break her.
Self-respect..... once upon a time, you both use to communicate daily, it was a certain devotion she had to you, but she grew up, grew into alot of misfortune, youthful exuberance and adventure stole her from you and you lost that friendship that you once had. She was doing well with you, she was regarded as 'the mature one who had a focus in life,' little did they know. She lost herself. She became stranger to me and alot of others.
Values.....hmmmm, I weep so bad when I think of you. From when her mother pushed her out into earth, you became a part of her, you were her first childhood friend, the one who taught her that there was a God up there, the one who she first heard the word composure from when she fell and bruised a knee. Where is she today? Distance is killing the both of you, I can tell but you both won't speak up.
Morality.....You have been murdered. Dat's all i will tell you. I have been hearing your heart calling out to her but she does not want to turn back and listen to you. She feels the natural 'high' that comes with her age. I tried to book an appointment with her to meet you on many occassions but she kept on giving me the daily 'I am busy right now, tell him we will see when I get back.'
Self-control.....I warned you not to leave her no matter how hard she tried to push you away but No you disobeyed me. What has she become today? What is your explanation in that respect?. Pride in all his ugliness and bismal ways that the young and ignorant cherish, have blinded her. Self-control....report to my office right away.
She is torn apart with no bearing whatsoever on how to re-gain strenght.She wants to start again. Could she finally be growing up? Why does she feel the certain need to wake up? Was life overwhelmingly dramatic for her? Nonetheless, those questions are not for me to ask, I would play my part in rebuilding her in the little ways i can. I am teaching her to get beauty for ashes, strenght for fears, gladness for mourning and peace for despair. It is a dark journey but I got this. I am able.
Random fact: ~A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. LOL
Have a 'wicked' week blogsville.(In a good way c'mon)
He says he wants to show me he is different,he says he wants me to see that they all are not one and the same, how do I know when the right one comes? Will there be a big sign on his forehead alerting me to open up my heart? I do not want to give just anyone my heart because it is one of the most treasured posessions of mine and as soon as i open it up to anyone, It becomes 75% theirs and 25% mine.
Everyone calls me 'heartless' and the likes, little do they know that I am far from those words. In my world, you will have to work real hard, better come prepared with an extra battery and a reservoir of strenght because it is not one of them easy conquests. All around me, Jackson is playing with tricia's heart but she thinks she is his one and only, Tony just slept with lisa while caroline was on summer vacation with her family. So who in this world deserves my heart? Why should I give it and who is worthy enough to handle it?
In high school I was really observant and I still am till date, I found out there was a notice board in the senior boys hostel where the boys had names of girls for the week that they would either seal the deal with (ask out and make sure the girl agrees) or break their hearts just for fun. Girls that gave their viginities to guys that had no business with even looking at their faces if you ask me. I would walk around my hostel randomly and see girls crying or highly depressed because some dude said he no longer wanted her. C'mon you gave him all he ever wanted, what else would he want from you? Self-respect in collaboration with 'the talk' taught me to wait till I found my prince charming before I gave my "Pride" away. (Don't get me wrong, I am very aware that man no be wood but you have to pay the price and sow into your future sometimes).
In terms of love, i wish we could go way back in time to when love was peaceful and the term 'player' wasn't coined yet. When love still had her place in the dictionary that was sacred. When i sit down and I am idle I really want a boyfriend out of pure joblessness, but when i actually think of the reasons why I feel I want one, the thought goes away. Being in a relationship requires alot, people are so quick to rush into something so big a deal. You go into a relationship with a guy that does not believe in what you believe in and you expect for peace to reign? hmmmmm, I beg to differ. Slowly, you begin compromising your values and baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang! he has lost that respect he once had for you.
The pressure to get intimate is really high in ALL relationships (In my world), there is no relationship that I can think of that does not have that issue except they really are not in love. You get in and before you know it you have done what you were not suppose to. Let me go straight, you have sex with a guy few months in and lets say you somehow get pregnant, you are left with the option of aborting the innocent young'n that did not beg to come into this hateful world. You have just ended a life that God put inside of you. So why start something you can't finish? You might say you are in control of yourself buh did he tell you he is in control of himself?
So dude was giving me them rubbish flows of how he wants to complete me.....shuooooo? (I tell u say something do me before?) and what not, so being naturally curious and inquisitive before stepping into gbese, I ask oga where does he see himself in the next five years? BTW this is a 23 year old dude that just got his first degree, it took him a hot minute to actually think of his life before he could finally cough out "I really don't know but I like to go one day at a time". A big F9, he failed his test one time, he does not have a plan for his future but he wants to complete woman? abeg, abeg, abeg! Many people I come in contact with always tell me they cannot wait to see who will be my next love, I can't wait myself because due to the people that have been opportuned to be in my past, hmmmmmmmm.....they have helped me a great deal in building extra tall walls plus barb-wire sef *Big upps* to you all.
People say wait till you find the right one then your story will change, you will sing songs of love, bla bla bla: I am waiting patiently while God is shaping and moulding and making my 'forever'. I was on MSN this evening and I was talking to a friend of mine, he was telling me about one of my pasts that seemed to me would actually be different form other guys and such, he said that the guy was talking about all the girls he had slept with and even going as far as making the sounds the girls made buh when he came to me, he could not put me in line with those girls but to end his jist well he said for sure, that he would have had hes share with me last december (we were on the long distance thing), that he was almost done convincing me sef. I laughed sooooooooooooooooo hard this evening though it is not funny. It just made me think of the kind of things and people I have come across and what kind of vacation my brain was on when they came by. LOL. My letter to cupid.
I have enjoyed your shots to my heart even though they were not all pleasant, I need you to hit me with your best shot and let me love the one who deserves me divinely. You gave me a fragile heart but you did not unlock it and so I am scared to love.....HELP!
Random fact: experts insist that the average person falls in love seven times before marriage.
I am young, majorly introverted, a lacto-vegetarian that does not eat vegetables, full of imperfections but on my way to semi-perfect,skin so dark as ebony,I am Nigerian. I live in a world where I do things in accordance to God's will, my conscience, and my heart. I have caught the blogging bug and I am going to be as honest as possible as I can here. This is going to be my online diary.Life gives us all kinds of roller-coaster rides, some pleasant and some parts that we just need God to blot out from our brains, we win some and we lose some, I am going to write them all out and from my perspective of life. So many bloggers out here that have inspired me to blog. If i am asked what exactly is going to be on this blog, I will be a liar so keep on checking back and forth to see new updates and the likes. I will keep this short and precise. I hope to build a long-lasting and meaningful 'blogship' from here. So feel free to drop a line or two!.....
I will give you all one random fact a day as part of my blog extras!
Only humans sleep on their backs! :)
Ebony!... have a great week! don't forget to follow me people!