Sunday, August 9, 2009

Scared to Love.

He says he wants to show me he is different,he says he wants me to see that they all are not one and the same, how do I know when the right one comes? Will there be a big sign on his forehead alerting me to open up my heart? I do not want to give just anyone my heart because it is one of the most treasured posessions of mine and as soon as i open it up to anyone, It becomes 75% theirs and 25% mine.

Everyone calls me 'heartless' and the likes, little do they know that I am far from those words. In my world, you will have to work real hard, better come prepared with an extra battery and a reservoir of strenght because it is not one of them easy conquests. All around me, Jackson is playing with tricia's heart but she thinks she is his one and only, Tony just slept with lisa while caroline was on summer vacation with her family. So who in this world deserves my heart? Why should I give it and who is worthy enough to handle it?

In high school I was really observant and I still am till date, I found out there was a notice board in the senior boys hostel where the boys had names of girls for the week that they would either seal the deal with (ask out and make sure the girl agrees) or break their hearts just for fun. Girls that gave their viginities to guys that had no business with even looking at their faces if you ask me. I would walk around my hostel randomly and see girls crying or highly depressed because some dude said he no longer wanted her. C'mon you gave him all he ever wanted, what else would he want from you? Self-respect in collaboration with 'the talk' taught me to wait till I found my prince charming before I gave my "Pride" away. (Don't get me wrong, I am very aware that man no be wood but you have to pay the price and sow into your future sometimes).

In terms of love, i wish we could go way back in time to when love was peaceful and the term 'player' wasn't coined yet. When love still had her place in the dictionary that was sacred. When i sit down and I am idle I really want a boyfriend out of pure joblessness, but when i actually think of the reasons why I feel I want one, the thought goes away. Being in a relationship requires alot, people are so quick to rush into something so big a deal. You go into a relationship with a guy that does not believe in what you believe in and you expect for peace to reign? hmmmmm, I beg to differ. Slowly, you begin compromising your values and baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang! he has lost that respect he once had for you.

The pressure to get intimate is really high in ALL relationships (In my world), there is no relationship that I can think of that does not have that issue except they really are not in love. You get in and before you know it you have done what you were not suppose to. Let me go straight, you have sex with a guy few months in and lets say you somehow get pregnant, you are left with the option of aborting the innocent young'n that did not beg to come into this hateful world. You have just ended a life that God put inside of you. So why start something you can't finish? You might say you are in control of yourself buh did he tell you he is in control of himself?

So dude was giving me them rubbish flows of how he wants to complete me.....shuooooo? (I tell u say something do me before?) and what not, so being naturally curious and inquisitive before stepping into gbese, I ask oga where does he see himself in the next five years? BTW this is a 23 year old dude that just got his first degree, it took him a hot minute to actually think of his life before he could finally cough out "I really don't know but I like to go one day at a time". A big F9, he failed his test one time, he does not have a plan for his future but he wants to complete woman? abeg, abeg, abeg! Many people I come in contact with always tell me they cannot wait to see who will be my next love, I can't wait myself because due to the people that have been opportuned to be in my past, hmmmmmmmm.....they have helped me a great deal in building extra tall walls plus barb-wire sef *Big upps* to you all.

People say wait till you find the right one then your story will change, you will sing songs of love, bla bla bla: I am waiting patiently while God is shaping and moulding and making my 'forever'. I was on MSN this evening and I was talking to a friend of mine, he was telling me about one of my pasts that seemed to me would actually be different form other guys and such, he said that the guy was talking about all the girls he had slept with and even going as far as making the sounds the girls made buh when he came to me, he could not put me in line with those girls but to end his jist well he said for sure, that he would have had hes share with me last december (we were on the long distance thing), that he was almost done convincing me sef. I laughed sooooooooooooooooo hard this evening though it is not funny. It just made me think of the kind of things and people I have come across and what kind of vacation my brain was on when they came by. LOL.
My letter to cupid.

Dear Cupid,

I have enjoyed your shots to my heart even though they were not all pleasant, I need you to hit me with your best shot and let me love the one who deserves me divinely. You gave me a fragile heart but you did not unlock it and so I am scared to love.....HELP!

Random fact:
experts insist that the average person falls in love seven times before marriage.

I'm out people, have a great week!



  1. well written. i hope you find someone who's worth you.

    ...but your random fact, dat means i'm never getting married. i dont think i have time left to still fall in love with 7 people because i havent even started on number 1 yet.

  2. Seven times?

    As in actually fall in love seven times?
    I wonder who those experts are testing.

  3. i feel you jare. you have to come prepared if you want to win this chic heart. If you come with pocket knife, you are on your own o.

    i love the letter you wrote to cupid funny, but honest.. Cupid i hope you are all ears..

  4. i really didnt understand something....'have u ever had a boyfriend?'.
    and is one of the reasons i dont want to get into a relatonship cos i dont want to have it for as long as possible.

  5. a love poetry it sounded and i 'almost' fell for it.

    Great deals are achieved by (great) people who dared..... so, dare to let your fragile heart love; 'tis a risk but, what can be achieved without risks? Only, never let 'loose' your principles...

    "Your skin is ebony." Hmmm, does that insinuate dark brown or coffee brown?

  6. LOL Tunrayo & Fabu-lola: I hope i find someone worthy oo. I dnt believe the 7 times either thats y i put it here LOL. thanx for dropping by.

    BSNC: Tell them oo, pocket knife would not suffice this battle. Cupid open your ears and hear.

    Leggy: yes I have! Sex keeps me away from relationships aswell, I won't bite more than i can chew.

    rene & rethots: I wonder the experts aswell, rethots I don't know if i am ready just now to give this heart away. I need to work on me more. And yes my skin is dark mocha chocolate....:) Nice anon: I am well with you! Thanx guys for dropping by!

  7. Mein, i think that smtyms u need to get outside ur head and just do it, i agree that great achivmnts involve sm risk, even walking on the street is risky!!!but it dsnt mean u wunt go outside!
    n as 4 the sex, i mean c'mon, one of the essences of relationships is the ability to discuss and agree to hold it off
    but on ur own saying that 4 the fear of that u wundnt do it at all, nah mein, that aint right
    there r a lotta guys who also dnt want to hv sex till they get married, u know!

  8. You seem like a cool headed indivdual..hope all that you seek finds you in the end friend*

  9. @devine:I know everything is a risk but I jus hant got maself to be adventorous jus yet. We may discuss and stuff but c'mon it doesnt stop the pressure and all, I just am not ready lol and abou guys wanting to wait 4 marriage.....hmmmm i'm stil yet to find o!

  10. Blogoratti: Thanx alot, i hope the same for maself aswell. When the lucky dude shows, blogsville will hear about it.

  11. very intelligent post i must say ebony...right now im all
    lol at the dude wanting to complete u..hahha F9 serious plan yet na another person he wants to complete...geez how does dat work!

    ok about the guys wanting to wait, my dear ebony o, i beg to differ...dem dey! just shine ur eye and u go find dem, as long as he is the right one 4 u from God, dude will sooo wait!

  12. LOL thanx Gee: it was a total F9 o asn he ddnt even try small. I just hope i find that Heaven sent soon abeg. Baba God, me and you need to spokes o! lol thanx 4 dropping by.

  13. wow...i'm lost for words but you have the right mindset, there's no need to rush into something as important a relationship. Plus a guy is NOT suppose to complete you but merely complement go 'head girl! Do you...but at the same time be open-minded, don't let good love pass you by...and yes if he doesn't have a 5 yr plan...then that's def a negative!

  14. I'm deff not rushing int anything and i Hope love does not pass me...what am i saying? if it was meant to be, it CAN'T pass me! :) thanx for dropping by.

  15. Wow!! So so true!! It was really intresting reading this post. I totally agree with you..You dont have to rush into anything..when he comes everything about you will know..your heart, your soul, your mind..Wait for him, dont rush into anything that will only scar your heart more and damgae it for the person that God has planned for you

  16. Okay miss odukoya! I will wait *fingers crossed* but i'm getting impatient dammit! LOL jokes...well a lil bit true, No oo abeg, i don't need any scars, God please send down my 'Forever' Pretty please! :)

  17. LOL!!! my hat's off for you...i like this, really insightful and eye openin. I'll still say all guys are different but you'll be able to tell once you meet him...without the sign of course...LOVE THIS!!!

    do check my new blog:

  18. :).....I hope i will. thanx 4 dropping by!

  19. 7 times ke? Who has time for all that rig-ma-roll and heart-break. Not me o. I'm officially sure I've been in love twice...the other one I'll call a deep crush...:)

  20. LOL it said tha average person and not everyone. I've officially loved just once, the other ones, comment!

  21. Ok, so if I'm an average person that's like 5 more to go. Some guys are just plain dumb and they are only capable of thinking with their small head and not their big head.
    But there are actually guys that are different from the norm. But sadly, there are in the minority. My friend's boyfriend actually pleaded with her to keep her virginity even if they break up. Now thats a boy-angel.
    Seriously? Complete you? Do you look incomplete? lol..Dude has no plan for himself sef.
    I guess when you'll just know when it feels right and is actually right.

  22. Awwww that's sooo sweet about ur friends boi, now that's what i'm talking about. Yeah the good ones are in the MINORITY. Hmmm he wanted to complete person o! Thanx for stopping by!

  23. Just keep being the same faithful, curious you! God will lead the way. I'm 21, and I'm experiencing my first relationship. People used to make jokes about how I'd end up an old women with many cats (lol), and say that I was too pikcy, too hard too etc. 5 months in, I'm not sure if its love, it's deep care, but love is powerful and a commitment, I can't just throw that word around. Mr. worth it won't have it stamped on his forehead;) but pray on it, give a guy a chance, without giving him all of you before he has proven to you that he's worth it. Good luck!

  24. Hmmmm tell me about the name-calling I know all about that. Woow 21 and and just on the first, i envy. Yes i am looking up to God. Hopefully it's love that you are in. And i am not giving him all, lol nope that's too much. Thanx alot. :)

  25. im there with you hun...its an onward struggle but the right one will come, in the meantime, work on being the best person that we can be :)


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