In My Own World

The Right Time to Love

2011-08-19T07:58:00.000-07:00

Song of songs 8:4

” Promise me o women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right”
Whoa!!! I wish i understood that immediately.

For 2 nights, somewhere in me was rummaging over this scripture..how profound true and real it is.
But am wondering, is it like when you see a dog sleeping and you disturb it, barks non stop and d noise is just so overwhelming and Eldritch..No not good enough.
Is it like fire, you ignite a small spark and it spreads till it turns to danger? fancy a bit.
The Bible describes love as fire, “love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. many waters cannot quench love neither can rivers drown it”
Hmmmm…
So when i spark the fire, no quenching, no running..? I will sure enjoy the warmth, but i also should be able to withstand the heat and unfailingly the burns.

I thought of the sun. Whoa. The sun rises and it sure sets.. But we have to wait on it to rise and set regardless of how hard we try.
However a man plans and strives, he must await the night process before he sees the sun rise..and he must pass through the day before he sees the sun set.
The Bible says there is time for everything..there is surely the time to love.

Perhaps we should wait to pass through the processes that eventually lead us to the right time when we can withstand this love.. This love so powerful it is likened to death.
You awaken love at the wrong time, be ready to get burnt, d flames would blacken out your skin, the scars will linger, the pains are unbearable, girl, when the fire burns out, you’d wish it consumed you instead.

Why women? Because women have power. The power it takes to ignite love, to put love to sleep and do even more dangerously powerful things.
A wise woman therefore will in her wisdom, know when to awaken love and when love should sleep. Else, whatever comes off it, she will surely bear the consequences which in most cases, she cannot run away from. The consequences might sound so funny as though there's a resistance to it. Or you have seen the worst of it but i want to remind us that each hurt we experience in life especially emotional hurt doesn't come with less pain..its always a new and fresh one.but how we pull through the pains makes us stronger. For love is as powerful as death and we all are victims.
Women have all it takes to arouse a man, in the words of Kenny Rogers, “you have got the kind of body that was made to give a man a lot of pleasure”. We have the power to ablaze the flames of love but a woman must know WHEN to awaken love, to spark this fire.

Song of songs 8:10
“i was a virgin, like a wall: now my breasts are like towers”
A tower is a place of defense for protection. Towers usually protect castles-magnificent mansions.
A wall depicts security.

A woman should build a wall around herself to protect radical entry that can crumble down her castle before her very own eyes. A strong tower to shield her walls. A wall less woman in this age and time is sure to throw her value with her own hands. We don't want to give our value to undeserving pigs who have no value to even place value.
We live in a society where value depreciates and fades but women whatever God values can never be depreciated by man. Its up to you now, to choose your criterion. God anytime any day and forever is the best criterion i assure you.
My declaration is “my heart, my body must be earned by one who knows the true cost of love”-Michelle Hammond

-Florence Young.
http://fowocare.wordpress.com/

On Trust...

2011-03-19T14:02:00.000-07:00

You taught me one of the hardest lessons ever: To trust you.I believed in you even when the world believed there had to be something wrong with me. I chewed your words, digested your actions, I hoped a teaspoon too many in you. Physically grown, I was a fool to believe you were mentally grown. I stood at a defense platform when bullets of words, and arrows of thoughts tried to break you. I defended you to stupidity. As life has that tendency to screw us every now and again, sucking every trace of breath left in us, I nursed you back to life. I taught to to breathe in...and out...in...and out; Not too fast, but not to slow, you will make it, you can do it, I trust in you, I believe in you. I was the voice I hoped to hear someone speak to me. I believed I created a bond that I would have sworn the devil himself would give up fighting to break. I lied to myself. Being human, I am physically drained, mentally incapable, emotionally distraught, spiritually weakened to anchor you yet again, on this same battlefield you deceitfully promised me you would never run back into again. I apologize for letting you teach me to trust you. You got me good. As I like to see goodness in every situation, I appreciate you for teaching me patience; when I should have been agitated, peace; When I should have been a bubble of anxiety, and laughter; when I should have been a well of tears. Some battles are best fought alone. This is me saying Goodbye. This is your battle, FIGHT!!!

Ebony Kisses.xxx

Random fact:
~On the average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.

That blah feeling....

2011-01-26T14:40:00.000-08:00

When highs are lows,

Lows are highs,

Nonsense definitely makes sense.

Perfectly describes my state of mind.

Random fact:
In china, people eat a bar of chocolate for every 1,000 bars eaten by the British

Ebony Kisses.

Positivity RULES

2010-12-01T14:44:00.000-08:00

Hey bloggies! LOL hope your days are going well. Mine is.... I just stumbled on this video and couldn't help but share. It is very healthy and good to speak positivity into your days. Don't just "freestyle" as the day goes by.My daily confession is something my mother made me say everyday before I went to school(primary school). Needless to say, I automatically grew the habit of saying it unconsciously after primary school graduation and high school-uptil now (In college). LOL On another note, this is the most stressful time of the semester. Finals and all are here. Push people. We are almost there. We can do it!

I am healthy.
I am prosperous.
My soul prospers in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus,
even Jesus the Word.
Anything I set my hands on, will succeed.
I cannot be conquered.
I cannot be defeated.
I cannot fail.
For me to fail,
God will have to fail,
And God does not fail,
so I do not fail.
I am an agent of love.

So I just saw this video of this little girl who clearly is in love with her EVERYTHING. I couldn't help but share. Enjoy!

Random Fact:

~Approximate number of facial expressions dogs make: 100.

Love you all.

Ebony

In search of "happy".

2010-11-05T16:05:00.000-07:00

Contentment I have often heard comes from the satisfaction you feel from the things you already possess and not from having all the things you want.

She dug deep into her closet,
She searched tirelessly for heaven knows what.
she wailed in frustration and was bitter.
Her heap of "still tagged" designer clothes still did not give her peace
Instead, she wanted more...she thrived on novelty- the feeling was euphoric.
She looked for her wallets, debit cards, credit cards and stray cash
Oh! She had to go and buy happiness

She bragged about being content to all who listened,
Eventhough she knew deep down inside she wasn't.
187 pairs of shoes, 243 bags and......still counting.
She believed that money could buy her happiness,
In her feeble understanding of life, she sought for "happy"-whatever that word even meant.

Her outside was exuding with wealth and riches
But her inside........was starved.
She believed she had everything
Yet she had nothing.

Random fact:
~male emperor moth can smell a female emperor moth from 7 miles away. :D

Have a wickiiiddddd weekend loves.

Ebony.

Ebony Revealed.

2010-10-22T09:44:00.001-07:00

Well well well....this undercover blogging DON DO ME!

Maybe I am losing my blog mojo....

I don't care no more.

I am revealing the all so Pweety Ebony.

I am trying to model. I wanna...

and I will....nothing will hold me back..

So here is one picture from my photoshoot.

I will remember you all when I get to the spotlight. :D

ok...enough rambling.

This is ME!!!! :D

Argghhh!!! Now i feel so naked *running to look for posts that may be embarrassing and delete them all*

Attitude of Gratitude.

2010-10-13T12:32:00.000-07:00

I am thankful, for life in all its entirety.
I am thankful for what I know, even what I am yet to know.
I am thankful for the stormy days.
I especially am happy for the rainbows after every rain.
I am thankful for the conditional and seasonal people in my life. They taught me a lesson on strength and courage.
I am thankful for the 24-hour walls that have been more than friends.
I am happy that I have the ability to think and be creative.
I am privileged to grow up morally sound.
I am thankful that my life has no regrets, I take lessons out of every situation.
I am thankful that I know who I am.
I am thankful that I am my own person. No one defines me.
.....I am thankful that I have potentials to be whatever I choose to be. I am thankful for EVERYTHING. I am!!!

Random fact:
A prayer without thanksgiving is defective.

Ebony.

English 101: Professional lessons from the Amateur.

2010-05-10T20:19:00.000-07:00

A noun according to the dictionary is a person, place animal or thing.

A noun is a person: She was someone I passed a lot of time with, shared my space and such. She was the kind of person to speak with the wisdom of an old woman, yet she did not know the intensity of the words she spoke.She is the person behind the 5-inch heels and Mac make-up. She is the person whose identity i shall not disclose.

A noun is a place: The place is the habitat of the man that sucked life out of her every time he thrust himself deep into her. She hated this place but she ran to it like it was a sanctuary of serenity. She would sneak out by telling tales of wanting to visit the sister she despised, all to heal her collage of brokeness, or so she thought.

A noun is an animal: An eagle is the animal I pray for her to shadow after in due time. She sees herself as a snail right now, like life is passing her by. She is blind to the fact that there is an eagle inside of her, if only she would search within. She constantly hides in her shell when she has the ability to fly.

A noun is a thing: This was the weed she smoked at corners of emptiness she squeezed herself into when she was 'hiding from reality.' It was the cocaine she injected herself with, pushing shots of bitterness into her system and wondering why sweetness and happiness knew her not. It was the bottle of alcohol she drank every morning like a ritual once she rolled over her bed in the mornings of new days.

She described the perfect noun but forgot the adjectives her life was missing, like beautiful, wealth of knowledge and the likes.

Everyday, a person dies inside due to one problem or the other. If you have no words or ways to lift their spirit, give them the smile you have on your face. It goes a long way.

Random fact:
~Women experience depression about twice as often as men.

Have a wonderful week.

Ebony.
Kisses...xxxxxx

Easter. Death. Life

2010-04-04T14:24:00.000-07:00

.....They put the nails through His hands, and pierced His side please understand,
It WASN'T easy,
BUT it was worth it.

I think time has come for everyone to withdraw from the madness of this world and dedicate time to re-evaluate yourselves...you know?! soul-seeking and cleansing. Just a word from my heart to yours.People are dying too easily these days and we unconsciously question where they are ending up. There is no time anymore. Urgency people, live life with a purpose I beg you all. We fall down, yes, but please get up fast! I love you all HONESTLY and want the bestest for everyone. Look for yourself and find YOU. kisses!

Happy Easter. He died a painful death, so we may live!

Random fact:
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. (LOL)

Ebony!

Good Poison.

2010-03-24T13:47:00.000-07:00

Like a thief in the night,you are stealing life from me.

You kiss me deeply with hurt, three days in a week.

When night is near, and I am about to go to bed, you whisper into my ear:
"I have not been serviced and I need some."

You forget I have feelings, bruising me passionately.

I see delight in your eyes, personalized into life.

I wonder if I made a mistake knowing you, help me believe!

Help me trust!

Give me hope!

Personality Psychology 301... I don't like you rough, take it easy and smooth! -And if you continue to try me, i will OSAMA you.

Random fact:
~Psychologists DO NOT read peoples minds. *FYI*

Ebony.

Apologies!!!! Sad face

2010-03-20T23:20:00.000-07:00

So it's been exactly a month since I last blogged and that is totally unacceptable and I say a BIGGGG sorry. Life has gotten too much in my way that my blog spirit is dying slowly and slowly. :( I shut facebook down and I am hoping it is for good though so life will resume the way I planned. How are all of you doing? I will go back to blogging constantly hopefully with God's grace. This year has been full to the brim with alot of turns, up and down and whatever you will want to call it but I have learnt to Fly Above all the drama. Yup! Kandi told me to...please listen to her song on my player, that is my life in a song at the moment. So right now I am awake and not anticipating my morning as I have an 8:30am flight back to Tulsa....that place is a hell-hole honestly...Plus when I feel motivated and confident, i will jist you all about my year so far.... I said it right, as January 1, 2010 came and I was robbed, it signified a rough year and that is all life has served me so far but it is building me up. Met alot of people this year, the ones that add to me, the ones that subtract, the ones that confuse and the ones that make straight ways and the likes. I want to run away from reality but it just do not know how to if it is at all possible. I have cried a lot this year and crying is not really a part of me at all but I love it though because through it all, we live and we learn. :) Trading sadness for Joy Unspeakable. I really do not want to go back to Tulsa heaven knows. So Spring break was in Chicago with a friend of mine that I had not seen since high school and so we had ALOT of catching up to do. Fun times I tell you. I wish I could just stay here till life swears and promises to be gentle with me, like heck I'm not a fighter even though I did martial art in high school. LOL. Sorry this post just came as freestyle and it is not proof-read or anything but I feel a need to scream. From my roommate, to everyone around me in Tulsa I just feel not really exactly happy to go back to. Am I scared of something? I don't get it. Is there something inside that I am refusing to face? I need to do some serious soul searching, *puts on to-do list for the flight*. This year I have lost too many important people in my and it bothers me a lot though majority are not concerned but I realized I value people TOO MUCH that it becomes unhealthy, relationships, friendships and such I place too much weight in them so it smacks me HARD when anything happens. It's really crazy though but I have learnt the harder way. I love you all sha and oh yeah I LOVE my *Sweetness* SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much. Yup! beautifULL sweetie, adopted big-sister by force lol and *Sugarplumrene* is another of my twin little sisters lmao. I love them so much though. So I guess I am out of my happy place and it is officially time to take off the 'pause' button from life and press 'play'.....Here we go again. I will make it, it is only natural I come out strong. I would blog more, I would blog more, I would blog more *repeating it to myself*.

Random fact:
~Stressed is desserts spelled backwards. (This surely has not felt like no desserts to me though.)

I Ruff yhew all....I Pinky Promise.LOL

Ebony.

Happy birthday to me!

2010-02-20T13:19:00.000-08:00

So tomorrow being the 21st of February happens to be my birthday. For a very wicked reason this happens to be the day the devil sent sickness. Nothing do him sha! God pass him. I am down with a fever + a flu mehn and all I can do Is lay in bed and sneeze like a goat all day. It is well with me. Well I got flowers from mummy today so it brightened my day a bit. :) YUP! I thank God for all He has done for me. I am nothing without Him and to please Him is my work on earth. I will still go out and have a wonderful day tomorrow starting from tonight. Go to see a movie, eat out with friends and catch up on whatever. Wake up tomorrow and start with church, proceed to breakfast at First Watch, lunch at Lanna Thai and dinner at Cheesecake Factory. I must wear my heels and look stunning o. Nothing do me at all. Jesus FIRE devil. :) So happy birthday to me. I ask for Gods Will to be done in my life. He really listens. I asked Him for something and the next day, around 6am He answered me. Asin MY JESUS is just too much. Don't Jealous Us! :p

Have a wonderful day people and pray for me to be strongggggg by tomorrow.

Random fact:
Your heart beats at a rate of around of 72 to 80 beats per minute - since your last birthday it will have beat about 42,075,900 times.

A pic of my flowers :)

Ebony!

February 14th 2010

2010-02-14T14:36:00.000-08:00

So as we all know, mummy has been my Val all day! About a week ago I sent her a text message asking if "Her Royal Highness will be my val" of which she responded "Absolutely my model-it will be my honor. And will Ms Ebony be, not only my val, but my daughter over and over again?" *smiling as I type* teeheeee.... I wrote her the sweetest anonymous letter that I have refused to share because it is our little confidential heart to heart. She knows it is me though.One of the lines in my letter was "Chocolate-Perfection will not be alive without the Chocolate Factory." I woke up this morning on a rather bored note as some form of demonic snow was out to get me. I lay in bed as I thought about what love really is. I called an aunt of mine to wish her a happy birthday and we stayed a bit on the phone when I asked to speak to my brother, Yup he was born on this romantic day.lol he wasn't home o! Boys went to have fun. He turned 11 today so there is quite a gap between us. Anyways, I skyped mummy for the first time and for an odd reason she does not know how she actually has an account because she did not set it up herself. She said when she saw my name on the screen she was getting scared and wondering what trouble have I gotten into that my name is flashing on the screen, it was too funny. Being the humble lady she is, she did not do anything for herself, instead, she did a lot for my brother so that he could "be happy". I sang her some love songs like "Long distance-Brandy" and a little dance routine LMAO while she turned all shades of red (In my mind) lol and we just e-bonded for a pretty while. She was so happy and made my head swell with "sweet-somethings" hehehe. We gave each other e-hugs and what nots, I just was happy to see her smile. That was my valentines day in a little nutshell.

I was craving cake so badly today that I stood up and drove myself to go get a box of cupcakes. I felt major satisfaction after that. :) Anyways, as I have had a rather boring day, my girlfriends and I are going to a restaurant later tonight to eat and share the love. It is something that should be done on a daily basis and not just february 14th. We are going to look pretty and just have sane bonding time.

PS: This time next week I would be a year older. :D yaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!!! hip hip hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiippppp!.....................HURRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Random fact:

~ It is estimated that 40–70% of female homicides are committed by their lovers and spouses

That was my day people. Anticipating my dinner with the girls now.

Ebony. xxxxxxx

Behind the laughter...

2010-02-02T08:20:00.000-08:00

It is yet that time of the year again, the ‘National Love Awareness Day’. It is the time when all the stores have their versions of ‘The Perfect Valentine Dress’ and what not. That time when Wal-Mart aisles and such are crowded with heart-shaped chocolate boxes and cards, like the color red is going out of fashion. It is that time of the year were girls smile ever widely to the supposed boyfriends in anticipation of waking up to an anonymously sent bouquet of red roses. I have no complaints whatsoever, but in the midst of all the love rubbles and merriment, I just have one somewhat rhetorical question. Who will love mummy this year?

In the midst of my ridiculous randomness, the question just popped up in my mind and I do not know why. As years go by, I get better understanding of what it means to lose a loved one. Last year or two years ago if you asked me, I would confidently tell you she is okay just the way she and she is a sea of pure laughter. I actually find that statement rather stupid now because yes, she may be all of that but through it all, she is human and she actually has feelings buried deep down in her ‘toughness’. Daddy was almost perfect I tell you, and I do not say this because he was mine but because truth never hides for too long. This man had a busy life that the average parent would not have time for the family because he/she is fending for them but my daddy stayed home with us and cancelled any appointments he had for that day. It was a tradition that every Saturday morning we would go to Sheraton hotel for that wonderful breakfast buffet. He was a helplessly spontaneous romantic. We may be sitting together watching a movie but an idea such as dinner at the most expensive restaurant at the time would pop up and we all went. My mother was and is still not the ‘let’s go out to eat today’ woman, she is more of the ‘bring back a to-go box please’ kind of person. Daddy would drag her if it came to that just so we could be together.

The funny times I can actually remember him dancing to no rhythm whatsoever for mummy and making her laugh widely, you would think life was a circus. He would send a bouquet of flowers to her on random days just-because. On her birthdays, he would make sure my sister and I stood on stage and sing the birthday song to the whole congregation one at a time for 3 services, just to show affection. Yes, I am a PK, deal with it. :p It never really dawned on me that she would sit and think about these things once in a while. He used to call her ‘mata na’ which is hausa for ‘my wife’ and she would respond ‘miji na’-‘my husband’. Today who would call her ‘their wife’?

I am trying to think of something nice to do for her just to maybe give a token back?! I am trying to come up with suggestions. I love this woman with every grain and speck God assembled in my formation. She deserves too much that I never come up with anything I actually find worthy enough to hand to her. She is my tower of love, life and many other mysteries. Do something for someone special this year people; it is not all about him or her. Go the extra mile and put a shocking smile on someones face. You would be appreciated in the long-run.

~~~~~BEHIND EVERY LAUGHTER, THERE IS A TEAR!

Random fact:
~”I love you” in German is “Ich liebe dich”.
Ebony loves you all. Have a stress-free week.

What went wrong?

2010-01-27T17:12:00.000-08:00

I was on facebook/crackbook/amebobook* the other day when I noticed a friend of mine’s status update which read: “What is the difference between giving up dreams and accepting reality?” As soon as I read this, my mind went back to some of the dreamers I’ve known who never really crossed the line to become achievers.

It is rather sad to know the people i use to run around in underpants and hide under tables, or the ones that would steal cooking ingredients from the kitchen and cook 'dinner' over conversations about being medical doctors so we save the chickens from dying and the lizards tails from falling off, are the same people that have no focus in life right now. Torn between reality and peer pressure.

I just sat to think about a lot of people i grew up with and where I am at in life and where they are is like a whole generational gap I am not happy to point out. Sad times...

Random fact:
~Pageant models often smear Vaseline on their teeth so their lips won't stick when smiling.

So I heard there is going to be 18inches of snow tomorrow and friday, I went to walmart this evening and everyone and their extended families were shopping, as we would all be stuck indoors, Lord please let class be cancelled....*fingers crossed*

Have a wonderful week loves!

Ebony!

Confused about this 'Love' word.

2010-01-25T13:07:00.000-08:00

I have been thinking a lot for quite a while now and I could not help but ask how long does it actually take for two people to discover “Love?” and again, does love happen along the lines of meeting with the special someone and spending time and all that good stuff or is love the end result? Hmmmm* my mind has been wondering because I have been watching people around me and it really beats my imagination. When I am asked what I think about their “togetherness” or questions of the sort, I lack the words to say because my mind has been trying to process all of what is happening. A friend of mine met this boy and a week later they were discussing emotions and the likes. *eeeekkkkk* (I honestly don’t know what I feel about that just yet because my opinion is just mine and it may not be facts or even make sense.)
Why is a relationship not between two people? Why does the whole world get involved with a person’s love life? Why is it that if your friend does not like your girlfriend of boyfriend, you are automatically supposed to take their opinion into consideration as to whether you end up with the person or not? Okay I know they may see something in the person they feel you do not deserve or something that the infatuated person will not see outright but what if there is just no plain reason behind your friend not being in support? Girls why do we discuss everything with someone? You fight with ‘le petit-ami’ two minutes ago, five minutes later Jesse, Miriam, Joshua and his grand-mother knows about it? You know you will still end up with him in the end and look stupid after running your mouth with the Committee of Relational Affairs (C.R.A) so why bother?
…..Anyways school has started for me and it is rather hard for me to get back to school mode this semester I don’t know why though honestly. I go to class and I am getting sleepy, that never use to happen so I don’t get it lol. Meanwhile these airport people do not want to give me my bag sha. They love it pass the owner apparently but I am on that movement. BTW: I LOVE MY MOTHER WITH EVERY BREATH IN ME. Lol I just felt I should say that, I do not know why yet. My current music obsession is Bedroom G by Trey Songz and Sammie…I listened to it over 10 times on repeat this morning I don’t know why. So Single Awareness Day is approaching oo! All my single ladies, where you at? LOL I am already getting e-mails about it. Victoria’s Secret is telling me about lingerie for Valentine’s Day, will I wear it for myself?? Hissss…
So today instead of putting up a random fact I decided to put an African Proverb: 
~Do not swim in shallow waters if you do not want your back to show.~ -Malawi.
Have a wonderful week people and I promise to go round blogs and comment. For an odd reason I can’t reply peoples comments on my blog so do not feel I am ignoring you…there is no need for that lovelies! 
Ebony!

Long Overdue and randoms of 2010.

2010-01-18T20:29:00.001-08:00

I have tried soooo hard to blog about my christmas or anything but my page gets blank after a while ad it is getting extra FRUSTRTING so i am not blogging about that. i am just going to blog about my 2010.
So I went to see avatar and I personally feel it was overhyped, I did not even finish the movie and I left because I was falling asleep. LOL so let me highlight my christmas and new year so far a bit:

* I ate healthyyyy food...(R.S.V.P.P-Rice and Stew Very Plenty with Plantain)

* I hung out with alot of nice people and laughed so hard unlike these people that smile with the sides of their mouths like you are begging for it.

* The air just felt extra right.

* I went to this party that I had to sneak out of the house at midnight and I got back in at 3.30am LOL (I stayed in the guest house this december so exit and entry was rather easy) :p

* My family was trying to scatter this christmas and you could just tell the devil was at work but God pass all of them...can i get a HALLELUU!!

* I was robbed on New year's day (my house is a twin building so I was walking up the stairs to the guest house arund 11.50pm when the robbers were walking down the stairs from my neighbours guest house so we jammed on the stairs...IMAGINE!!! I am safe though)

* I am so happy I clicked more with my cousin this break, we are close but we got closerrrrr...

* I was soo happy about silverbird in Abuja with Nando's-my love took me to nando's and it was too good. Also the fact that I could watch a Nigerian movie in the theater *Guilty Pleasure* was priceless.

* It was all round fun and I did not want to come back but I guess school needs me more.

* So I have been missing one of my bags from Amsterdam and it contains VALUABLESSSSSSSS. They have been saying "we have no current updates on your bag ma'am, they never begin to misplace am yet. OSHI'S!!!

* So I got back to school doing the routinual servicing the car, fixing all that needs to be fixed and all when I noticed the radio was not accepting cd's and I told them and they ordered one for me under my warranty. I got a call saying that the warranty expired in december :( so I have to buy a whole radio.

* As my fone got robbed I finally got a blackberry...more like a whiteberry cuz it is white LOL (ok that was dry) but it is soo cute.

* I hope this semester goes easy and nice.

* So my roomate from last semester has a sister this semester and the girl is always in my personal bubble and it bothers me so much. That is drama for never because I will not rant this year...amen! lol

.....All In All....God is good and I am ready to take up the world. :)

I forgot, I am a "Big Sister" this sem..which means I am going to mentor someone of about 6years old who is less priviledged. I am sooooo happy about it. The organisation is called 'Big brother, Big Sister'. Fun stuff!

Now that my christmas is partly out of the way I can go back to a normal blog life. Thank God.

~Random fact:
Turtles can breathe through their butts.

Love you all. Kissessssss!

My people...We made it into 2010

2010-01-11T13:26:00.000-08:00

Yes so I am kind of behind in this space, for a very odd reason I have not been able to blog I wonder why, even right now the screen is not the same. Some forces are against me O but God pass ALL of them. I would come back and give you all a rather longggg overdue update on alot of things. Hope you al had a sexy christmas and new year though?! I went home to Nigeria and it was mahddddd fun. Including me being robbed on new years day. LOL all the jist coming through.... Love You all and I will go rund blogs and comment and all that good stuff.

Random fact:
~The city with the most Rolls Royce per capita is Hong Kong.

Me love all of you.

Ebony!

PS: Oklahoma is soooo cold... :( I am freeeezing!!! my brain, eyelashes, intestines, muscles are all shaky!

Blog-O-War!!

2009-11-14T18:54:00.000-08:00

hmmmmm! blogsville what is happening??

Where are all of your manners?

Why is there so much animosity?

Why is there so much friction between people?

I don begin to dey tire oh!

Is it the age group that is causing this?

There is too much display of immaturity and arrant rubbish here!

You people should sit back and take a chill-pill and re-evaluate wasap!

It's not right nowwww! haba...

Ku yi a hankali dan Allah!

E ma binu o!

You agree, you do not agree with what you see, you can clearly navigate away, it is even so much easier because with a click you are gone. LOL....Technology!!

There is no price to be won o! Just for the records.

Let's live in peace and happiness and be a jolly loving family.

Thank God I do not know how to insert links sef on this thing lol.

Do not be cursing around please, take it easy now and nothing is even that deep!

You people can kill o... the thought of the beef sef or animosity has made my brain tired.LOL I do not like wahala AT ALL!

So for the sake of Ebony and God, (For we who believe in God) calm down and apologise and be loving all over again!

I see alot of things here I do not like but I understand it is not my business and if I do not agree I will not get all rude and ish because I want my point to be heard.

This is getting out of hand o! You people need to calm down

This is eye abuse and brain abuse. I am broke and do not have money to buy tylenol or ibuprofen so instead of being Blog-warriors, channel your energy into becoming Prayer-warriors..LOOOL kai I'm too much! I make myself happy! :)

Ehen I hope you people are going to church tomorrow oh! all of you should come and tell me what you learnt! good shildren!

I don dey go oh! Lemme continue my facebook stalking before I get migraine in this place. Your plans will not work o!! I Curse every root of animosity and Chaos in this my blog family, devil PACK YOUR LOAD OH BEFORE I VEX AND STAND UP...*Reaches for Holy Water and handkercheif*. Every root that was planted to cause war here I Uproot it RIGHT NOW, fall down and DIE, DIE, DIE, in Jesus' MAGNIFICENT, MATCHLESS name! and blogsville will say.......AMIN, AMIN, AMINNNNN OOOOO!!!

Random fact:
~During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains. :)

Ebony has spoken. GBAMMMMMM!!!

My First Love.

2009-11-10T21:18:00.000-08:00

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-We both went to the same primary school in Abuja Nigeria, from primary one all the way till primary four.After school every day I use to go to his house to play with him then. Mehn I have always been a playful child oh! from school I will not go home, I will take my change clothes in my bag to his house and eat and everything there.LOLThey had a big house with a large open field that accomodated my energetic hyper feet that actually made me weary to the point where I had to sleep, and for me to sleep in broad daylight, you will know that play dealt with me and defeated me. So yes you can say it has been there since primary one.....Not! (we just innocently played around and he has 2 sisters so we all had a lot of fun)

Fast-forward to my jss3.....

One faithful day like that oh, I was with a friend that was going on and on about some party that I was just not in the mood for. She begged and begged and was even getting annoyed with me all because I refused to go with her and so i finally put on some sloppy jeans and a shirt with the intention of just going to see my friends that I had not seen in a while for about 30mins and back to my house. So I approached the zone and low and behold O saw this dude with a blue hooded sweater sitting towards my left and backing me, hmmmmm na so the boy turn oh and I saw this dude that I saw 6years ago. He has the sexiest smile in this world oh, till tomorrow infact LOL so he gave me a biggggggggggggggg hug and all, but we did not really say much as he was getting ready to leave the party himself so we bid each other goodbye.

One bright afternoon, I had a message on facebook from this guy saying he had not seen me forever and I should facebook him my number and all that. I did all that sha and we began talking small small. I remember clearly, my then boyfriend (well I know I titled this my first love because this person I am talking about is the original love...so ehenn! LOL) and I just broke up and so I told him and he came to see me. I walked out of my gate then and I saw him walk out of a car, 'Outta my system' was playing I will never forget and I had on a black tank top with a studed heart imprinted in the middle and he was like "hmmm this one that your shirt has a heart on it, hope you are fine" and I replied I was.We began talking sha majorly from that day, his care really was magnetic to me. So on and on we went like that sha...I would be in class and he would sms me..."goodmorning my princess" and that would just distract me for the rest of the day. LOL

He disturbed me oh! hahaha (he will kill me if he sees this but he will never so oh well) he use to bother my life until i 'Pitied' him and just said okay lets do the whole dating business. Boom! it happened. He went to U.K about a month later and I was left in Abuja :( It hurt but you know the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder ish?! It worked for a while oh, I was Miss. Loyal but he never believes me till today. People use to talk alot of ish about him and give me proof right in my eye but I was always like 'let me swallow panadol for my own headache'. Everything felt so right when we were together I tell you. I was an original facebook stalker oh with him becauses that was basically all i really could do apart from webcam and all. He was ooo so romantic. I actually saw a potential future even though I was so young at the time. It was just specially exciting that he actually watched me grow up through life. That does alot to me.

After 11months of not seeing him and all, slowly I started loosing myself and doubt began to advice me on a daily basis on what i should have paid no mind to in the first place and the likes. It was a painful time and it still is when I think about it but today we speak really well. Strange but he still has a VERY SENSITIVE soft spot in my heart that I wonder if it will ever fade. It is the first love because I made my first mistakes and first everythings then and ALL my heart and soul went in. He was my first kiss also. *bllusshhhiinngg at the memory* lol.

He shortened my already short name to suit himself and till this day, gets rather upset when someone else (especially if another guy) calls me that name.LOL ......okay! so I was just walking down memory lane tonight and decided to share. I think I am done now.

Random fact:
~In Columbia, an individual can be fined up to $90,000 for gossipping.

Dueces people!
Ebony!
xxxxxxx

Random Tuesday!.

2009-11-03T18:41:00.001-08:00

I have been slacking from updating often but whatever I have no reasons neither do I have excuses as to why I have not.....I apologize! I have just not felt the need whatsoever to blog, my fingers do not have the spark anymore, pray for them please. Okay so I am going majorly random because a lot of random stuff from different angles are in my head so roll with me. :)

* I do not know if it is just me but I do not understand why people lack decency. I mean girls YES I am calling you out right now. It hits me like a hammer to my head when I see young girls and I mean young girls using swear words and the likes when there is totally no reason to do so. I mean you can express anger or frustration or whatsoever the case may be that leads you to swear without actually putting those words in. I mean growing up, these are words I have never been allowed to say so why is it that when I leave my home and I am in a different location I go back to doing what I was told not to?! I mean, I am an ambassador of my home even in the most private places I feel I am not being watched. Does it give some sort of class or 'big-girl' status? am I missing something? that is so not my style and for heaven sakes, who will respect you as a LADY? no abeg! It is totally unnecessary. If you do it, no vex abeg I am just talking from my own views.

* Why do GIRLS also feel to look 'sexy' one part of your body or all the parts sef are hanging out? you might as well walk naked, No? I mean you walk into a club looking like a part of your clothing is missing....WHY DO YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF? and then when guys do what they do best and disrespect you, you will now be angry. You are giving them the green light and when they obey the light you will want to kill, please, cover your assets because they are worth ALOT! and not for every and any kind of person to have the ticket to even see sef! I really wonder what is happening to this generation. I am not saying go looking like mother theresa, all I'm saying is you should cover the necessaries and you will be straight.

* This one just kills me totally, like if I have a gun sef i will want to shoot you. CUT YOUR COAT ACCORDING TO YOUR SIZE EJJJOOOOOOO!!!!. Do not borrow anything, if you do not have it yet, it is not time to have it, borrowing is just not it at all. You become a slave to the person and infact sef just imagine you go out wearing your friends shoe, some one now tells you your shoes are preety, how will you feel answering? especially if the friend is there? It even makes the person you are borrowing from feel superior to you though they may not pronounce it.Please, do not make yourself a slave to any body! Work with what you have and make it glow. Be yourself! Be yourself!.....did I say BE YOURSELF?!

* Carry yourself with poise and charisma. You will always have one opportunity to make a first impression, make good use of it. Let the person next to you want to know why you are always smiling and generally happy. Effect change in the littlest ways possible. Do not be shaken in your beliefs and also never compromise anything. Always say 'Please!' and 'Thank-You' and be nice to whoever even when you do not feel like it. I have learnt to do that always and it has done alot for me especially when the person is not deserving of it.

PS: I did not make my auditions this weekend. I found a new definition to the word "TIRED". I flew to Dallas friday and saturday morning by 5am I was up and my day went on till about 5.30pm. I got home and wanted to faint. Sunday, same cycle all over, we did all we were instrusted to and time for call-backs, I did not here my number but God dey. It really hurt me because this is something I want to do with my life ( in collabo with my Psychology) so I felt really down and just out of it generally. I actually shed a few tears. I got home and slept and just wanted to erase the night but O well!...I am blaming it on my height though because the girls that got called back were stick skinny and LONG! asin they were no longer tall oh it was a Long affair. lol. When the time is right I will get called back so no yawa at all! Holy ghost got my back all the way and if this is my ministry, He will open the door that no man can close...abi?! ehen I know I nailed it.

So I decided to show u a lil pic of me on the day of the event.

Yeah so that is me! I was number 743...If you see how I kept on looking at he number when the call-backs were announced, hmm~ you will wonder. LOL

Have a nice week my people! yaaay so it's november and it is still sunny here. God is tooo much! :) I HATE WINTER!

Random fact:
~Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquitos sensors so they do not know you are there. :)

Ebony is out people!..I hopefully will blog this week again!

Ebony Reveals!....

2009-10-19T08:23:00.000-07:00

Hello my blog family. Hope you guys are on your balling grinds oh! I was on fall break last week so therefore I had no time whatsoever to come here, I commented on some blogs but i read alot. I had no inspiration to blog because I was chilling too much, I slept like a cow. :) My school was so boring because everyone left for break but I stayed with my friend in school. My dorm was so suicidal LOL, u could hear yourself think LITERALLY. You and your shadow could have full converations, it was that deep. I was so ready for everyone to come back to school, the good, bad, annoying, mean-muggers, and everyone else to come so i had people to entertain me with drama.

~~~~~~~So unto the reason of this post!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Drumroll*

I HAVE A MODELLING INTERVIEW IN EXACTLY 13 DAYS FROM TODAY. (October 31-1 November)In Dallas Texas.

I have alot of mixed feelings, happy, nervous, anxious, and a whole lot of ish. Let me tell you guys all about it. So all my life for as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to model (not nude and all, just for the records) so I have always been waiting for an opportunity to do it well. During the summer, I auditioned at two different agencies and I got them both but I turned one down because I do not think they were legit from alot of indications. The second one is the one I am going for in 13 days. You guys should check out he website. It's www.proscout.com they are basically a scouting agency that scout models and if you make the first cut, you are then invited for the main event. In this main event, you are put infront of over 40 top agencies in america, from Elite to Ford to IMG to L.A Models and a large variation of top agencies. I am so excited but I previously was not going to reveal this for a lot of reasons but this is my family...No? anyhooz, you guys should pray for me oh, as I scaled the first audition, let me just slide through to the next level aswell. Someday I shall be on the cover of Vogue magazine and the likes, and blogsville will shout a big .......AMENNNNNNNNN!!!! *waving their Jerusalem handkercheifs* lol. Modelling is my dream, I want to model just for a feel of it and satisfy my longing. If it is God's well, I will get in but if he says no *shrugs* well, I would pursue my fashion line and psychology. There is no time to waste, Keep it going, moving, progress and never settle for less. :) (in my mind now I just rhymed)

Random Fact:
~Victorian ladies tried to enlarge their boobs by bathing in strawberries.
(Please don't ask me I do not understand either) :D

Have a magnificent week. Don't do what you feel you should. LET YOUR CONSCIENCE BE YOUR GUIDE! :)

Thank You Jesus! You ALONE.....

2009-10-11T14:31:00.001-07:00

Today being sunday, after church I went for brunch with my girlfriends and as we sat together we just spoke about alot of things from the littlest things you could imagine to the big things. I could not help but thank God for who I am and the life I live. I really honestly do not know why God loves me the way He does, but nevertheless I am so grateful. I am ever so grateful:

* I NEVER STARVE: I always get food to eat. ALWAYS. It is never a problem for me to be hungry and not get food. I walk on streets and see people with signs begging for food and I sometimes make comments such as "Why would they not look for jobs no matter how little and survive as opposed to sitting on the road sides and beg?" But i do not understand what they are going through because I have never been in such a position and I will never be there by God's grace.

* I PAY MY TUITION IN FULL: Well my mum does the paying but it is always settled in full. I do not take any loans whatsoever (PS: I am supposed to have a lower tuition rate because my father schooled here, my sister schooled here and my father became a pastor from the school, It's a christian school so because he became a pastor I have a lower tuition rate) but I do not take advantage of it. People run around school trying to get validated and I sit and thank God because I never have to run around begging and crying for fees to be paid and all. God is faithful.

* I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR: That is a BIG thing to me. I not only have just a few clothes but i have so many clothes and shoes that I am running out of space to put them. Some people do not know what wearing shoes feel like because they have none, here I am always complaining because I do not have a pair of purples shoes to wear with my Little Black Dress. God please forgive me for not being content. I apologise.

* I HAVE NOT BEEN SICK THIS YEAR: Ebony two years ago was a normal hospital customer, No I am not AS or SS I am pure AA but my body apparently liked the hospital environment. I would go to school at 8am and at 10am I was rushed to the hospital about 3 times a week. This year, I have not been to the hospital for anything at all. I can not even remeber having such a headache that would make me take drugs. My mum was so scared when I was coming to school so she fully armed me with medication for all sorts of things, I have a mini pharmacy in my room. I have not popped 1 pill for jack squigley.

* I HAVE A SOUND MIND: My brain has full cordination. I am not under any psychiatric care or the likes. My brain functions. In primary school, I would come 20th out of 21 or something like that and when I was scolded I would reply "Atlease someone else came last" LOL my father was a very loving man. He would tell me "Don't worry my 'A' student, you will make it", how I wish he could see my results these days. He spoke into being Life.

* I HAVE GREAT FRIENDS: I can count all my friends on my fingers because I generally am not loud or really a public person so the fewer the crowd the better for me. Can you imagine what it would be like to have bad friends? people that would shake your foundation and make you go the way they are bending, I have good friends that never fail to snap me back to reality when I want to fall off track. They are more like my family. I love my friends so much, I could not wish for any other set of friends.

* I HAVE A WONDERFUL FAMILY: I do not even know where to begin this, my family is phenomenal. The love we have is on full blast. btw my cousins, auntys, distant relations and adopted people stay in my house, my mother has a large heart so she always has a way of dragging people into the house. I sometimes complain that there are too many people in the house but now that I think about it, it will be a boring house with no life if the people in it should leave. We love honestly, we forgive easily, we do "I'm sorry's" fast and truely. I could go on and on but they are the best.

* I DO NOT HAVE IDENTITY CONFUSION: I know who I am, I know what I should and should not do, I know my abilities and who my parents brought me up to be. Even if I am stuck in a dungeon with the devil himself, I do not believe right now that my morals or values will be compromised. I stumble once in a while because I am only human but I get up fast and pick up the pace in my life. I am Ebony in the light, I am Ebony in darkness, in the rain, in the shine, behind closed doors etc.

* I AM A HAPPY PERSON: I always have a smile on my face or burst out laughing no matter how boring or dumb someones jokes may be. I am melancholic once in a while but on the majority, I am always laughing. Some people do not have a reason to smile or laugh. They feel life is a big punishment to man while to me, it is a big circus experience where you choose what lane to drive on and maintain sanity in your lane.

* I AM SO HAPPY I AM A CHRISTIAN: born, bred, and still living and enjoying the "God experience". I have not found a better alternative yet so I am still on my journey. I owe God everything I have in this world and more. Praise, Worship, Loyalty, and a whole lot of stuff because what he has done for me, hmmmmmm, I do not have any questions whatsoever about His existence.

* I AM NOT EASY TO CONVINCE: :) I really love this fact but again, it can get annoying because I may have a view point I am standing on and someone is trying to make me see where they are coming from and I just cannot see it. On the reverse, I am not influenced by anything. You can do all you want, you can even get upset with me because I do not want to go clubbing with you but I just whisper in my head "You will be okay" LOL I just do not know why I should club and let random guys that do not know me from anywhere rub on me or get free access to my Temple. SHUOOOO!!!! I can play music in my room worse case scenario and have the same good time or go watch a movie with people. It's just my life.

I could go on and on and this was not arranged in ANY order at all. God would be number ONE if that was the case. I am on fall break now and it's getting cold. HISS* I just arranged my wardrobe and put away my summer clothes. My winter stuff is finally, dreadfully out. lol. God is faithful oh! Do not stop chasing your dreams. It may seem they are far away but NO, they just need a little more pushing from you. YOU CAN DO IT. YOU HAVE ALL IT TAKES TO SUCCEED! "Greater is He that is in You....."

Have a great week!

Random fact:
~"Goodbye" came from "God bye" which came from "God be with you."

Ebony.

He loves me. Not....

2009-10-03T12:02:00.000-07:00

He slammed my head in the door.
He kissed me deep.
He made promises.
He threatened me.
Black eye.
New shoes.
Busted lip.
Brand new ride.
He hit me.
He begged me.
He said everything.
He meant nothing.
He loves me.
He loves me. Not.....

PS: this is not me. I just got inspired by an event.

Radom fact:
~Beethoven was extremely particular about his coffee, he always counted 60 beans per cup.

Have a wonderful weekend. Remember :You're never fully dressed without a smile.

Ebony.

Your Smile.

2009-09-28T19:57:00.000-07:00

I am highly motivated to blog tonight for a very weird reason but oh well, I sat down today just thinking about my mother. Fear of the unknown consumes me these days that something bad will happen but I reject it. God is faithful. So I kept on thinking about my mothers smile all through out today, i wonder why her smile though. Smiles can seem mundane, or even trite until you go for a couple of months forgetting the light they bring. A while ago, my mother forgot how to smile as life overshadowed her 5"4 body. She was busy dealing with the cancer that had decided to reside in my daddy's brain and in our lives unfortunately. Along the lines or taking daily trips to the hospital and usual conversations with the devil to go back to where he came out from, slowly tears began to replace smiles and fasting and prayer became happiness.

Well as life would serve us, there came the heaven rejected and hell sent in-laws who never fail to play their part in making life miserable for the widowed woman. She suddenly forgot how a smile was created or formed, her brain just could not draw that line across her face and pre-cancer, my mother was a well of laughter.

The pillar of strength that my mother is did not settle for less neither did she trade words with the devil for too long, she knew better than that and she began to go back to her days of inner glow and outward beauty. Mehn my mother is beautiful oh. (She gave me some aswell, to God be the glory).Something in her just always lets me know I am safe when I'm around her. Nothing gives me more joy today than when I pick up the fone when she calls and she has endless laugh sessions when we have some jisting times and she calls me "gbo gbo bigz gyalz"....I appreciate laughter like never before because once upon a time, mother knew not how to laugh. God really gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, and gladness for mourning.

Brighten someones day with a smile this week people.

Random fact:
~ Newborns tend to have more preference for a person with a smile then a person that is not smiling

Ebony!

If I had one wish.

2009-09-26T18:18:00.000-07:00

This quote is what I am trusting right now to explain itself to me with time.

Forgive me for not being on here in a minute! I really do not know what is keeping me away but all i know is life is trying to overtake me. Alot has been going on lately with me but let me report myself right here where no one can really box me or slap me or anything. I really do not understand myself anymore but here goes:

So my last post which was titled Dark Chocolate that i deleted due to some reasons was about this dude that has got my head and my heart racing 120mph no jokes. First of all, what attracted me to him was how laid back he is. Yes I have a thing with loud people because they are very slow to think but extra-quick to speak. So dark chocolate had this calm spirit about him that just made me happy whenever I saw him. We have class together on tuesdays and thursdays and he sits right behind me. *I'm really having a hard time writing this I wonder why so please bear with me*. This guy is one of those people I have never said a word to but I have already fallen for them and this RARELY happens to me so you can imagine my confusion. I began going to the gym every night at 8.30pm or later just because I knew he would be there but I could not say a simple 'HI!.' Whenever I saw him,my heart just froze and it is so unlike me to be shy or anything like that although I am generally reserved and slow to speak in nature. I could not wait for tuesdays or thursdays to come just so I could go to class and see him....

It is so weird because I really like this dude like genuinely to the point were it is getting stupid because I can't say anything to him and I do not know if he wants to say anything to me. He looks at me on the regular but he does not smile or anything, like WTH am i missing something? People have been telling me to go and talk to him and all but they fail to understand it is so hard for me seeing as i literally freeze when he is around me. Yesterday we had an inauguration ceremony of our new president at school so everyone was required to look their best and all. I really do not know how but my eyes found this dude in a multitude of thousands of people, he looked so sharp and clean in his suit. His body is just in its perfect state to me like it actually can't get better so it made the suit look wonderful. Tall, dark and handsome is the perfect way to describe.lol Yes i would not go into details of him so no one will start imagining what I'm wishing for. .....Jokes!

So after the inauguration when the crowd was leaving, there is no way possible that i can excuse why he was directly behind me at a point because where he sat was far from where i sat so the proximity was just ....I don't know but I am not complaining. PS: I caught him staring at me twice during the occasion. He probably knows I have some spot somewhere for him but I really do not care at this point. I have tried to no avail (If that is english) to talk to him but it does not happen because my mouth just will not move when I see him so i have given up on him. Today was so annoying and I am currently in a mood because I planned I did not want to see him today because I feel like I am putting myself infront of him too much or making me appear cheap and I DO NOT MESS WITH MY REPUTATION AT ALL!!!! so I walked to the cafeteria and there he was, the first person I caught sight of as usual. He was sitting at a table alone so i looked for my friend and sat with her after getting a slice of pizza I ended up not eating because my appetite varnished when i saw him....IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? probably....

So we stayed there all afternoon till it was time for us to leave, he gave us the cue to leve when he stood up and i was like I am goin to talk to him today and get this over with, i got there and he dropped his plate and all but when he was right beside me walking out of the cafeteria, yes!!! My mouth just closed. :( I felt extra dumb because I was looking right at him but he did not look at me so my confidence to speak just left. Later this evening we have Chic-fil-a in school so I went there with the same friend I was with just to chill and probably get something to eat when I captured him right there, I felt like a STALKER but I did not know he was in there because I planned not to see him today so I do not give him wrong signals and he will think I am freaky or something. Before i knew it, he got up and left with some girl that was semi-touching him. I HAVE NEVER FELT SO DUMB Before!

So i have resorted to letting him go and supressing my feelings because I can only wish for so much plus this feels so one-sided and I have never been the one to chase a guy for any reason so I cannot start because that is not me and i am VERY aware of my worth. So it is kind of a process to let him out of mind but there is a starting point somewhere which I have begun. I really need to work out but I am not going to the gym at all tonight even though I know dar chocolate is there.

Lord help me!
If I had one wish, he would be mine.

Random fact:
~.Studies show that the risk of a “secret love” being revealed heightens romantic feelings for the partners, thanks to increased levels of phenylethylamine.

Ebony!

Chaos and Calamity.

2009-09-15T12:08:00.001-07:00

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelpppppp oh!!!!

I am MAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDD, frustrated and irritated right now. I have been trying so hard to write this in an indirect way but the frustration in my heart is beyond me. I probably will delete this post later but....WHATEVER!

ehen, so to the issue at hand. My roomate wants to make me grow old by force my people. I think my general problem is I am too nice or soft-spoke. (Daddy I blame you oh....In a good way sha). This girl has not failed in annoying me on a daily basis and I also am not use to not talking to the people around me, like if we live in the same room c'mon we just have to talk. She does not talk to me, even to say 'hi' is a big problem but i never fail to say hi to her. I tolerate her attitude oh because I am really slow to anger but if I finally snap....Just don't even look me in the eye because I may pluck your eyes out.

So I have come to terms with her that she does not want to have anything to do with me, fine and good. I cannot understand why at this stage in her life she still cannot clean up after herself. I do not care at all if she does not make her bed and the likes afterall i no dey follow am sleep ontop, but haba things i paid for like the bathroom, microwave, fridge and the rest just have to be clean. I go to take a shower on a daily basis, there is hair and soap scum on the wall or the base of the shower, I manage to rinse it to avoid wahala oh and I give her benefit of doubt that she did it unconsciously. Day two, I go to shower, it is still clean because ofcourse she did not take a shower but when she happens to shower, the process is done again.

I want to use the toilet, tell me why the tissue roll is hanging and touching the floor? could she not cut the amount of tissue she needed and left the place looking decent? Is that too much to ask? I forgot to say, as i walk in, there is this big bad og laudry at the front of the door while she is sleeping, i move it to shower. I was on my way out to go to class this morning when I decided to leave her a note. (It just feels weird to me to talk to her or something because she is older than me, though she does not exhibit it but i still give her her respect) I write a short note telling her to please rinse the shower if she takes a bath and she should please not drag the tissue roll all the way to the floor. I apologise also for always being in her space and all that. I try to keep it nice and all.

So i jejely walk back from class this cool bright day. I see a note in reply of the one o previously sent sitting nicely on my laptop keyboard saying:

"Hey you dont have to write letters everytime you see some out of place like little stuff like my laundry bag, you could just move it out the bathroom or oust(I dno what that is) Pull the toilet sheet off. IK we two diff pill + I dont know ur use to living but you have to take into consideration that we are two diff pill, (Me no be tablet oh) we live differently, and the little stuff you pick about is minor! But you can just talk to me about it cause im having a difficult time living with you + Im not at all a junky person(I am sure she really is not...Hiss)...but Id like to wake up one morning or day without a complaint on my desk.

Thanks."

See my life abeg! Is it me that is loving my living time with her? I don't even know what to do sef. Mumsy said I should pick up after her and when i am going to wash my clothes I should go with hers too. I should iron her stuff and just be good to her. Na soo! I really do not know what step to take anymore. I did not even mention how she bothers my night talking on the fone all night. Arrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhh!!!!

Okay people, I am taking my size 0 body to the gym to get endorphins! :)
Endorphins make me happy.
Please people what should I do?

Random fact:
~In Cleveland, Ohio, It is illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.

Ebony!

To fall in hate.

2009-09-09T16:20:00.001-07:00

She breathed life when she was by his side.

Life was beautiful when he called.

She swore they would stay together to see their children's children.

She gave a special offering every sunday in church for their union.

When life overwhelmed her with situations, she looked at him to inhale life.

She trusted him without doubt.

She danced in the middle of the rain to the songs of his memories in her heart.

He was always on "business trips" and the likes.

She began to lose him.

Who will this person be that stole her prince charming?

He began to beat her up when she got a call from another man.

He became 'stranger.'

Who are you? she began to ask?

Where is my love?

She bacame uncomfortable around him.

Darkness began to cloud her heart.

What could it be? she always wondered.

She began to see it....

Clearer.

Brighter.

Ohhhh......Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

It was traumatic.

Heart-breaking.

Earth-shattering.....

And Oh! wooowww, she found out.....

arrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

I must be dreaming. No.....It could never be. Kill me. Kill her. Let's all go and fight in hell together because earth will not contain us.

::::::::::Her BESTfriend was carrying his baby:::::::::::::::

Random fact:
~It is against the law to burp, or sneeze in a certain church in Omaha, Nebraska.!

Ebony.

Will I stand Or fall?

2009-09-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

Am i deserving of God?

Do I have reason to be on the face of this earth?

Am i truly worthy?

What is it that makes Him so mindful of me?

Why does he give me new mercies on a daily basis?

Here I am, like broken pieces of glass scattered everywhere, trying to be put together in any ways possible. Why does God love me so much? Why does he wake me up every morning? why doesn't he take my life away at night? I am on this journey of discovering myself, it really is not easy but I am making progress, I have learnt new things about myself lately. So I had a random thought today:

If a knife was held to my mothers throat and I was told if i say Jesus is truly Lord she will lose her life, what will i say? Will i still stand for what I believe in or will I deny Him? It is my daily desire to live my life for Him but when push comes to shouve (SP?), will I still stand.....Hmmmm. Why is wrong slowly turning into good? What happened to the days when we were ashamed to say 'Sex'? Now you are scared to say you are a 'Virgin'. So many thoughts cloud my mind. I walk into church and see alot of people standing like pole wires, they CANNOT move their bodies in church but if you go to a club, they are dripping with sweat at the dacefloor. Why has God lost His place? No one is perfect but how many people make the effort to do the right things?

He gave us life, He sacrificed His own life for us, not because he wanted to or it was easy. He was scarred, beaten, insulted, mocked, spat on, stepped on, pierced with a sword all in the name of love and here we are, total emptiness.

I am not here to preach as it is not my place neither am I the brightest star in the sky but it is just a chain of random thoughts. How far do we take christianity? I practice a relationship with God or atleast I try, not a religion. Do I really love God? or do i just say it? Do i know whom I serve or I'm just a sunday christian? If the trumpet should sound right now, where will I go? will i be welcomed into His arms or will he look down in shame and say "I never knew you?" I may sit and chat smack about people, but is my own life on track?! what makes me better than anyone else? A couple of days ago my facebook status was "When life gets you down, get on your knees and pray" or something along those lines, some dude had the audacity to comment 'God does not have insurance...LOL'

LOL ke?

I did not know what to even reply sef. The words just failed me. What is this world turning to? God is all of a sudden a big joke. If this world was like back in the days when if you blasphemed or the likes the ground will open up and swallow you, alot of people will be gone from this earth. I maintain a pretty balanced life, I do not club (personal choice) because I see no reason why I should but I dance alot and i think my social life is pretty normal. It does not make me any better than anyone. People sit down and tear people down with words when you yourself know in your heart of hearts what you do behind closed doors. Does God still have His place in our lives? Is he number one or a bit below that?! If my father was to see the kind of life I live now, would he smile at me? What of mummy? If she should check my facebook inbox or my phone what would her reaction be? It is so hard to do good these days because the temptation is so high but I make a concious effort to be the best I can be.

Simple questions I ask myself like: What is my motive behind wearing this dress? whose attention am I trying to get? Why am I going into this relationship? are my values intact or I need more time so i make it work?Is he deserving of me? he wants me to walk with him to that corner, and I am going along with him, Why? although temptation gets the better part of me on a regular. Life is tough i must confess. I try so hard to stay principled so I don't fall off track but after a long battle with temptation, i let it win. Where will you be when forever finds you?

:::I think I am everything, but yet I am nothing:::

Random fact!
~The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C.

H.E.L.P!!!!!!

2009-08-30T04:39:00.000-07:00

It is 6.38am, why do I lie wide awake? So many thoughts cloud my mind. I should be sleeping now so i can get up and go to church but no, these eyes won't listen to me. Anyhooz, so I am loving how Leggy has gone private oh, atleast, all the sweet sweet jist will flow properly. :) Yes i like jist, you too you know you do. My heart goes out to chari and buttercup oh! i feel their pain, we were suppose to be reading about how their summer was going but 'due to circumstances bigger than them' they could not meet up! Don't worry guys, God pass that circumstance. PS: You guys must have blogsville V.I.P area on your wedding oh, IF NOT!!......* Holding my ear *. I'm just beefing you guys don't mind me.

So tell me why, this semester I was blessed with this roomate that is many years older than me, african american, veryyyy blessed in all areas of her body, spare tyres everywhere to even borrow people sef if need be. I was just checking my school mail to see if i had roomate requests (we always get requests from supposed roomies) when i saw that this young lady had been assigned to my room, fear catch me oh!!! because I am a size 0-1 and this woman in question is abou a size 18 or so, where will i begin?? People said she likes walking around naked and I do not like to see naked women at all! She did not like the church I attend, see wahala oh! she does not even like africans, Me i do not know how to fight oh, i do not even know how to look for trouble, when fight is coming and is bending towards physical, i will just 'pity' you and go...(hehehe in my mind). So I left that room quietly.

So a week later, I got the opportunity to switch rooms and there was only one room open so I grabbed the opportunity oh! First of all, I opened the door.....cheiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! asif tornado plus hurricane passed through, shoes on the table, cocoa butter on the floor, the cover was under some nasty looking pant like that, the floor was covered in total DIRT! omo...what did i do wrong this summer now that i am paying for this? Trust me, my camera is my best friend, i took pictures of the room mehn. Ask me why i did that, i don't know oh! After a while sha, when it was cleaned and in order, I moved my stuff into the room, I had to bleach basically everything in the room mehn I don't know how some girls do. This one sef walks in class building like one freshhhhhhhhhhh, clean madam. So 1st night, we all slept peacefully and all. Next morning, I got up fast, made my bed and ran so my roomate does not enter the shower before me, LOL the girl no baff oh, she just sprayed herself and washed abi wiped her face with a towel and all that. She ironed her clothes and went to class. I was shockedddddd outta my skull.

Since I have been in this room, her clothes smell like mould is growing on them mehn. Asin it is horrible, she does not fold her clothes, or arrange anything, she spilled some sort of juice in the fridge for days and has not cleaned it but she still puts things in the fridge oh my people. What will i do? I really hate to see dirt or smell anything unpleasant and this madam is making an effort to make my semester a memorable one. (I went out of my way to buy all sorts of air-freshener oh, plug-in, the spray one, the incense kind of thing, one that dissolves and all that). I spoke to her to please try and keep things we have to share together like the fridge and bathroom a bit tidy but this lady no wan gree oh! I got back from class and saw a nasty looking face towel in the sink, her ironing board and some bag inside the small bathroom. Hmmmmm! i am tired oh! I wrote her a note again but to no effect.

I am always disinfecting something or cleaning or wiping or picking something up from a grown woman like my mother paid thousands of dollars and said i should come come and do 'Ekaete' work. What do I do now? And i cannot move because there are no rooms anymore. I don tire to dey clean oh, cinderella sef got tired and reclined to her little space/room in her wicked stepmum's house. People have been making fun of me that no matter how I try to divide the room (my side and her side) the cockroaches will still walk into any side they desire, See my life abeg! :(*

Let me go to church and pray for a miracle oh! All of you should stand up and go sef, better still go to Blessing's outlet for e-service. (someone should please teach me how to insert links into this thing).

PS: Guys, before you start following woman, make the effort to see what her room looks like oh, ladies too better take note. :) (this is a learning experience for me oh as madam get bobo dat she will be using to oppress me in the middle of the night) God pass her!

Random fact:
~Turtles can breathe through their butts! :)

Have a wonderful week peoplezzzzz!

PS: A couple pictures on how my room looked before its 'resurrection'.

Yuppp!!! and a whole lot more! HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!! before my skin will begin to lose its Ebony uniqueness. :(

~Ebony!

Letter to You.

2009-08-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

Dearest Dad,

This is one of such thoughts that never come to my mind, I choose not to think of it, it does not even bother me anymore because it is the past. I hear stories that relate to what you dealt with in life but for the peace of God, I do not cringe or even nurse the emotions that come with it. I woke up today feeling all blue, knowing that if you were here, life would have been so much better. Why is it today that I am letting this get me? I fear that I am not all I need to be because I just have a mother who juggles between the two occupations of dad and mum.Why didn't you stay? God gave us authority over snakes and scorpions, and to overcome all the powers of the enemy, you taught me all this but you did not demonstrate it.

Six years ago, Long....painful....stressful....emotional....discouraging six years ago, four days after my birthday, I did not get a birthday call because you were recieveing chemo by that time but instead I got a call to say it was all over, earth couldn't just handle you anymore, you opressed everyone didn't you? you lost your battle with brain cancer. How could you? You forgot how to walk, it killed me inside to see my own father learning to walk again like a toddler but I had to maintain composure and be strong for you. You forgot how to talk, I could not longer have conversations to full lenght with you without you saying something that had no meaning whatsoever. I had to walk behind you when you wanted to go upstairs just to ensure you did not fall back as you were not balanced in your brain activity. You did not know how to feed yourself, your brain could not cordinate your hand to hold a fork up to your mouth, but you insisted on feeding yourself because you were a fighter. There were days when you would look at me but your eyes were crossed, tears will flood my eyes but i would hold back.You were absent on my primary school graduation, Your presence was not there at my High school graduation, now at University, it would be mum and everyone else but who will I jump on and scream 'DADDY, I MADE IT!' to?......sigh**, Who would walk me down the aisle and give my hand to him who deserves your treasure? I remeber when I would hold your hands while I lay on your bed with you, It made me peaceful. The doctors said you would not live more than 3 months after being diagnosed with cancer, shame on them, You made it to three years because you're a 'G' like that. I love you SO much, i know mummy misses you more but she is strong, you taught all of us lessons that will never go away.

We love you and miss you. I am trying to be who you would want me to be. It's really a hard journey but I am strong, You taught me not to give up and so fight I must!. You are in my heart, today, tomorrow and forever, No one will ever play 'daddy' more than you did. My heart goes out to you. Peace!

Your daughter,

Ebony!

Random fact:
~The reason why honey is so easy to digest is because it has already been digested by a bee.

See me see confu oh!

2009-08-18T11:39:00.001-07:00

10.50am, the weather was full of confusions, to rain or not to rain? That was the question it tossed to and fro. The ground was somewhat muddy and wet from the little droplets of rain that had dropped earlier on. This was one of those mornings where it took God himself, in collaboration with my devotion to going to class to actually get me up from the bed. I did the necessary morning rituals such as taking a shower, brushing my teeth, making the bed amongst dressing up and saying a little prayer to Him who woke me amongst other things before I finally set off to class. I bought a pair of Steve Madden heels yesterday and was so happy to put them on this morning, it motivated me to walk to class without thinking of the journey. Lwkm!

Long story short, I had a Social Psychology class. These people kept on going on and on about alot of different issues, you know how it is with all these Psych majors that want to feel as if they are the deepest people on earth, (I am a Psych major aswell but I am laid-back) plus I had not had breakfast yet so I particularly was not in the mood for all their little bickering debates and what not. From nowhere, some guy I would predict to be in his middle 20s just got up to say "You can have integrity without morals!" ........say what???? It took me a hot minute to understand how that is possible. I am still in a bit of confusion because from what I have always known, your integrity will be a result of your morals...abi? I could not even shout sef, the whole class began to shout and air their views, some agreed and some disagreed. Hmmmmm, confu attack o!

I need to know what you all think please, because to me it sounds like your mother did not give birth to you, you just dropped down from heaven, that is not possible now. We are learning everyday so please pardon my 'ignorance' if at all it really is. My brain is still having a summer overload, it has not yet swung back to school mode.

P.S: I am trying so hard to gain weight but it's not happening. All my life, I have never worn an american size 3....Yup! i said 3. I range from a 0-2. It is becoming of great concern to me because when people see me, they all have questions to ask like are you alright? like do i have some sort of illness. Lately, I was on my summer high, on my way back to where I belong, at the airport, the security people or agents were asking me if I am legal to travel alone, if i am up to 18 yet. I FELT INSULTEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!! c'mon now, atleast my face is not that young jo. I've tried eating like a pig but I can't tell where the food goes.

Ehen so back to the question.....IS IT POSSIBLE TO POSSESS INTEGRITY WITHOUT MORALS? If yes, please supply reasons so I understand.

I still have not had breakfast, I need to go. Leave your thoughts behind and have a goal-achieving week.

Random fact:
~Butterflies taste with their feet.

Peace people....XXXX

Ebony!

And darkness creeps in.....

2009-08-12T03:37:00.000-07:00

There is time for everything according to the Bible and even the common world we live in. What determines when that time is right? How do we know when her bells are ringing? She feels she is ready for this, little does she know she does not have even one of the necessary requirements for this long and tedious journey. She is full of questions that she wants to ask the world, but to whom will these questions be directed to? Gravity could not stop her from embarking on this journey but nature and life had a strong hold on her. Into this mess she found herself and a way out of it she sought daily.

BOUNDARIES.....Oh how she forgot your place, she no longer respected you and she forgot you had the power to shake and move things, kind of a wake up call back to reality. You told her what to do and how far to swing, you also drew the line that disobedience wiped away. I can sense and feel the big frown on your face, I apologise. She chose to follow the hard way when you assured her as long as she stayed within the circle you mapped out for her, she will be fine and no force on earth will break her.

Self-respect..... once upon a time, you both use to communicate daily, it was a certain devotion she had to you, but she grew up, grew into alot of misfortune, youthful exuberance and adventure stole her from you and you lost that friendship that you once had. She was doing well with you, she was regarded as 'the mature one who had a focus in life,' little did they know. She lost herself. She became stranger to me and alot of others.

Values.....hmmmm, I weep so bad when I think of you. From when her mother pushed her out into earth, you became a part of her, you were her first childhood friend, the one who taught her that there was a God up there, the one who she first heard the word composure from when she fell and bruised a knee. Where is she today? Distance is killing the both of you, I can tell but you both won't speak up.

Morality.....You have been murdered. Dat's all i will tell you. I have been hearing your heart calling out to her but she does not want to turn back and listen to you. She feels the natural 'high' that comes with her age. I tried to book an appointment with her to meet you on many occassions but she kept on giving me the daily 'I am busy right now, tell him we will see when I get back.'

Self-control.....I warned you not to leave her no matter how hard she tried to push you away but No you disobeyed me. What has she become today? What is your explanation in that respect?. Pride in all his ugliness and bismal ways that the young and ignorant cherish, have blinded her. Self-control....report to my office right away.

She is torn apart with no bearing whatsoever on how to re-gain strenght.She wants to start again. Could she finally be growing up? Why does she feel the certain need to wake up? Was life overwhelmingly dramatic for her? Nonetheless, those questions are not for me to ask, I would play my part in rebuilding her in the little ways i can. I am teaching her to get beauty for ashes, strenght for fears, gladness for mourning and peace for despair. It is a dark journey but I got this. I am able.

Random fact:
~A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. LOL

Have a 'wicked' week blogsville.(In a good way c'mon)

Ebony!

Scared to Love.

2009-08-09T23:27:00.000-07:00

He says he wants to show me he is different,he says he wants me to see that they all are not one and the same, how do I know when the right one comes? Will there be a big sign on his forehead alerting me to open up my heart? I do not want to give just anyone my heart because it is one of the most treasured posessions of mine and as soon as i open it up to anyone, It becomes 75% theirs and 25% mine.

Everyone calls me 'heartless' and the likes, little do they know that I am far from those words. In my world, you will have to work real hard, better come prepared with an extra battery and a reservoir of strenght because it is not one of them easy conquests. All around me, Jackson is playing with tricia's heart but she thinks she is his one and only, Tony just slept with lisa while caroline was on summer vacation with her family. So who in this world deserves my heart? Why should I give it and who is worthy enough to handle it?

In high school I was really observant and I still am till date, I found out there was a notice board in the senior boys hostel where the boys had names of girls for the week that they would either seal the deal with (ask out and make sure the girl agrees) or break their hearts just for fun. Girls that gave their viginities to guys that had no business with even looking at their faces if you ask me. I would walk around my hostel randomly and see girls crying or highly depressed because some dude said he no longer wanted her. C'mon you gave him all he ever wanted, what else would he want from you? Self-respect in collaboration with 'the talk' taught me to wait till I found my prince charming before I gave my "Pride" away. (Don't get me wrong, I am very aware that man no be wood but you have to pay the price and sow into your future sometimes).

In terms of love, i wish we could go way back in time to when love was peaceful and the term 'player' wasn't coined yet. When love still had her place in the dictionary that was sacred. When i sit down and I am idle I really want a boyfriend out of pure joblessness, but when i actually think of the reasons why I feel I want one, the thought goes away. Being in a relationship requires alot, people are so quick to rush into something so big a deal. You go into a relationship with a guy that does not believe in what you believe in and you expect for peace to reign? hmmmmm, I beg to differ. Slowly, you begin compromising your values and baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang! he has lost that respect he once had for you.

The pressure to get intimate is really high in ALL relationships (In my world), there is no relationship that I can think of that does not have that issue except they really are not in love. You get in and before you know it you have done what you were not suppose to. Let me go straight, you have sex with a guy few months in and lets say you somehow get pregnant, you are left with the option of aborting the innocent young'n that did not beg to come into this hateful world. You have just ended a life that God put inside of you. So why start something you can't finish? You might say you are in control of yourself buh did he tell you he is in control of himself?

So dude was giving me them rubbish flows of how he wants to complete me.....shuooooo? (I tell u say something do me before?) and what not, so being naturally curious and inquisitive before stepping into gbese, I ask oga where does he see himself in the next five years? BTW this is a 23 year old dude that just got his first degree, it took him a hot minute to actually think of his life before he could finally cough out "I really don't know but I like to go one day at a time". A big F9, he failed his test one time, he does not have a plan for his future but he wants to complete woman? abeg, abeg, abeg! Many people I come in contact with always tell me they cannot wait to see who will be my next love, I can't wait myself because due to the people that have been opportuned to be in my past, hmmmmmmmm.....they have helped me a great deal in building extra tall walls plus barb-wire sef *Big upps* to you all.

People say wait till you find the right one then your story will change, you will sing songs of love, bla bla bla: I am waiting patiently while God is shaping and moulding and making my 'forever'. I was on MSN this evening and I was talking to a friend of mine, he was telling me about one of my pasts that seemed to me would actually be different form other guys and such, he said that the guy was talking about all the girls he had slept with and even going as far as making the sounds the girls made buh when he came to me, he could not put me in line with those girls but to end his jist well he said for sure, that he would have had hes share with me last december (we were on the long distance thing), that he was almost done convincing me sef. I laughed sooooooooooooooooo hard this evening though it is not funny. It just made me think of the kind of things and people I have come across and what kind of vacation my brain was on when they came by. LOL.
My letter to cupid.

Dear Cupid,

I have enjoyed your shots to my heart even though they were not all pleasant, I need you to hit me with your best shot and let me love the one who deserves me divinely. You gave me a fragile heart but you did not unlock it and so I am scared to love.....HELP!

Random fact:
experts insist that the average person falls in love seven times before marriage.

I'm out people, have a great week!

Ebony!

Welcome to my space.

2009-08-08T18:14:00.000-07:00

I am young, majorly introverted, a lacto-vegetarian that does not eat vegetables, full of imperfections but on my way to semi-perfect,skin so dark as ebony,I am Nigerian. I live in a world where I do things in accordance to God's will, my conscience, and my heart. I have caught the blogging bug and I am going to be as honest as possible as I can here. This is going to be my online diary.Life gives us all kinds of roller-coaster rides, some pleasant and some parts that we just need God to blot out from our brains, we win some and we lose some, I am going to write them all out and from my perspective of life. So many bloggers out here that have inspired me to blog. If i am asked what exactly is going to be on this blog, I will be a liar so keep on checking back and forth to see new updates and the likes. I will keep this short and precise. I hope to build a long-lasting and meaningful 'blogship' from here. So feel free to drop a line or two!.....

I will give you all one random fact a day as part of my blog extras!

Only humans sleep on their backs! :)

Ebony!...
have a great week! don't forget to follow me people!

*In My Own World*